Could the 2ww go by any slower?

I am 7 1/2 dpiui and I feel like it has been a lot longer. This week has gone by so slow.  And I even had Monday off, a drs appt and got out of work early today due to the weather. I am just ready to know if this cycle has worked. It has taken all my power to not email the nurse at my clinic to start talking @ next steps.  I may lose my willpower this weekend if time continues to go so slow. I am trying to have hope, I really am. But I like having plans too.  Would I be crazy to email my clinic?

I did meet with a MFM and besides it taking forever (2 1/2 hours), I do have a plan when/if I do get pg.  I will start lovenox once/day upon a + pg test.  He was going to repeat all my tests but decided not to as he said with my history, lovenox just made sense.  I have a prescription just in case this cycle works.  The MFM also said I will be closely watched which made me feel good.  I need to get pregnant first though. And we know this may never happen. Or it may??? I wish I had a crystal ball.  Waiting in the waiting room was really hard. Seeing 2 pg women who both had children about my little guys age with them was difficult. And also during my appointment, I kept being reminded that I am AMA over the age of 40.  I kept my cool but I wanted to say I am not happy @ still TTC.  I did not choose to be here but I am. I know there is an increased risk with my age!  Is it crazy too that I can't wait to start lovenox as it means I will be pg?

My poor little guy is sick again! This is the third time in 2 months. He has been sick more since we moved than he has been in the prior year. The constant weather change doesn't help.  He has a fever, a bad cough and a very runny nose.  I always have a hard time knowing when to call the dr.  I hope he feels better this weekend.  I too am catching some of what he has. Just hope it doesn't get nearly as bad as what we had over Christmas.  Thinking healthy thoughts.

To top it all off, I have a terrible rash all over that I have no idea what is causing it.  I thought it may be allergies but allergy testing did not show anything new.  It could be work, it could be our new apartment. I was on prednisone for 5 days before my IUI & it cleared up right away but as soon as I came off, it has come back with a vengeance.  Only bad thing with the prednisone is after 2 days I had trouble sleeping.  I am debating @ whether to go back to the allergist or a dermatologist. I have allergy medicine that I am afraid to take. It says it is safe while pg as needed. My dr wants me take it once/day. My RE said it is safe too but I still get nervous.  Any experience with rashes or eczema?

Hopefully the next week will go by faster.  And hopefully AF will stay away. If not, she should greet me on Friday morning. 5 1/2 days & counting.

IUI Complete! 2WW Here we come!

My IUI was yesterday morning and all in all it went smooth.  My uterus is tilted backwards so they had to push down on my stomach really hard to get a good abdominal u/s view of it.  It was quite uncomfortable.  My old RE never used to do an u/s like this. It is really cool seeing the sperm enter the uterus. Unfortunately, the count this time was not very good at 1.6 million.  This was this first time the sample was collected at home & brought up as my DH had to work.  His work is in the opposite direction of the clinic.  I imagine this has an impact.  Last cycle was 4 million.  I looked at my records today and My DS1's cycle had 12 million and my angels cycle had 18 million.  I am not sure why the decrease from a year ago.  My new clinic usually looks for 3-6 million.  This does not give me the warm & fuzzies but I am still trying to be hopeful as I know it just takes one.  I too am afraid that maybe our IUI was a day late.  On Thursday morning, we did an OPK and we considered it negative.  It was very close but not quite there.  So we decided to trigger Thursday night and have the IUI on Sunday.  However, I had tons of action going on in my sides on Thursday before our trigger and Friday morning.  I am hoping & praying we did not miss the right timing.  I guess we will know in two weeks.  I am so proud to say that I do not have any HPTs in the house except a few cheapies, which have not worked well for in the past!  I am going to do my absolute best to keep it that way. I am going to do my absolute best not to test until Friday 2/1 as that will be 13dpiui and is when AF will show if this doesn't work.

My RE mentioned yesterday for the first time being on extra folic acid & baby aspirin. I have been taking the baby aspirin but it dawned on me after I left that I should have asked how much extra folic acid I should be taking. I will need to find out. I have an appointment with a MFM on Wednesday to see if we will need to add lovenox to the mix. I am praying no as lovenox is one of the most painful shots I have had to give. I find it worse than PIO. But if it means a successful pg, I will have to get over my fears.

I am also thinking about next steps already - what if this doesnt work? It is the planner in me. I think I may take a cycle off & then ask to do at least one more Iui with gonal f or follistim like at our old clinic.  No more femara or bravelle.  And if that doesn't work, look into ivf.  Ivf scares me in that it did not work for us before and is so costly.  If you did IVF, did you try IUIs beforehand? If yes, how many did you try? Our RE indicated that IUIs lose effectiveness the more you have -- but my little guy was from our 4th IUI so I really struggle with how many to do if this cycle doesnt work.  This will be our third since our loss -  we did one with my old clinic before we moved and this is our second with our new clinic.

Hoping for the best but preparing for the worst!! One day down and 12 more to go!

Cycle 3, CD11 Roller-coaster Ride Update

Today was a bit of a roller-coaster day. I should be used to this by now but it still is hard!  I went to my ultrasound bright and early at 730am this morning.  And there was no progress.  Follies were still small and had basically no growth since our last ultrasound on Tuesday. Ugh!  The nurse did not seem too optimistic about my cycle but reminded me that we needed to wait for the blood work to come back to see how my estrogen levels were doing!  So, on pins & needles worried about cancellation, she called late morning. And to my surprise, my e2 levels almost doubled from 48 to 90.  So, my RE suggested that we try 3 more days of increased meds (150iu to 225iu of Bravelle) and I will go back on Monday for another ultrasound.  After finding out my cycle was not cancelled, I was feeling that all hope was not lost yet.  I did look at my cycle last year that resulted in our BFP and my e2 level was already at 700 at this point (and our cycle with Aaron was also much higher at this point as well but I did not look at the exact numbers.)  My little bit of hope has dimmed but is not completely gone.  I will hope for the best but prepare for the worst!  That is how I can usually prevent myself from going crazy with this fertility stuff.  Unfortunately, I have to go in at 730am for labs and then go back at 1pm for an ultrasound as they are booked on Monday morning for scans.  It sounds like my RE will actually be doing the scan so that might be a good thing.  The nurse is awesome though.  She has done all my scans up to this point.  It was a strange thing for me to get used to as my old RE in Michigan used to do all scans & procedures.

Here's to a little bit of hope with a bunch of caution mixed in!! A friend of mine did remind me today about her IVF cycle with her little boy about how it started out really really slow and took off around day 11 of stims.  Last night was day 8 of stims for me.  I so appreciate stories of success - they give me a lot of hope. I would love to hear your stories and advice as well!! = )

BFN & New Cycle

My last cycle ended with a big BFN and AF showing up at 13dpiui.  I had been using progesterone suppositories for the first time and was worried about them not working with all the leakage (partly thanks to my horrible cough, cold & flu over Christmas time.)  But, AF showing up at 13dpiui is about the same as when I used the prometrium pills. I took this as a sign that the suppositories worked about the same as the pills. I had decided to test at 12dpiui and it was a stark white HPT so at least I was prepared for AF to show.  I was able to keep my anger in 2012 and start 2013 on a hopeful note!

I had debated about taking a break versus getting started again with a new cycle right away.  We decided to cycle again.  A break probably would have been a good idea but both times I have gotten pregnant it has been in Jan/Feb/Mar so being the superstitious person that I am sometimes, I did not want to give up the opportunity to try again at this time.  I do know that if we are not pregnant either this cycle or next, we will be taking a break -- and it may be a permanent break.  I am running out of steam with regards to TTC.  I so very much want to add to our family but emotionally & financially, I truly am not sure how much more of this we can handle.  My DH is willing to finance procedures but at this point, I am not there yet.  I do not want to go into incredible debt right now with everything else we have going on (ie moving, house not sold yet, etc etc.)  We shall see how I really feel in a few months if these cycles do not work.  I may change my mind but I am really trying to mentally prepare in my head for the what if we never get pregnant again question.  I do know for a fact that 2013 is our last year of TTC.   Just a matter of how long into 2013 we will continue.  Please pray it is a non-issue as we will be pregnant soon!!

Today is CD3 and I took my first injection of Bravelle.  My new RE decided to try this medication, which I have never taken before.  If this does not work well, I am going to be begging to go back to Follistim.  My u/s scan and labs is on Tuesday.  I pray this medication works its magic for me and we will be on our way to a successful cycle.  I hope that this year is a much better year than 2012!! Please, oh, please let it be!!!