Preliminary Results are back = ) Very good news!

What a stressful morning waiting for the phone call!! I am very happy to share that our preliminary FISH results look good!! No evidence of chromosomal issues for downs & trisomy 13 & 18.  And it confirmed we are having a boy!  I am so happy but it is also hard for me to express because I am feeling so drained from all the stress the last few weeks.  I called my parents and my dad answered -- he said he was initially worried because my voice sounded so tired!  I have to say I feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off my shoulders!! The full report should be back in 7-10 days.  There could still be something concerning that comes back but the FISH test covers the most common issues.

I am going to try to take a break from worrying but it will be hard! I will be worrying about everything else especially the single artery umbilical cord.  I have another OB appt in 2 weeks where I plan on talking to him more about this, and asking for additional monitoring.  I am also hoping to hear back at that point on the Antibody testing, which if it is abnormal may require additional monitoring too.  I will not complain if I get more ultrasounds than normal as I love seeing my little boy!

Thank you for the positive thoughts & comments! I appreciate them very much!!

Amnio Complete! Now we wait!

My amnio was this morning and although it definitely hurt & was uncomfortable, it was not nearly as bad as I had imagined in my head!  My dr was fantastic in that he walked me through every step, helping me know what to expect.  I ended up closing my eyes throughout the whole thing while squeezing my DH's hand and clenching my jaw!  We are supposed to hear the initial results by the end of the day tomorrow.  They told me if I have not heard by 3/3:30, to give them a call.  I of course will be calling at 3pm if I have not heard anything!  Tomorrow afternoon can not get here soon enough!  Fingers crossed we will hear good news!  If everything is not OK, at least we will know and can make decisions from there.  The final results should be available in 7-10 days.

Prior to the amnio, they did an anatomy scan!  It was so wonderful to see my little BOY.  Yes, we are having another little boy and although I did not have a preference, I had a gut feeling we would be having a boy again and I could not be more thrilled!!  Of course I am biased -- little boys are amazing!  (I am sure little girls are too but I do not have any experience with little girls!!)  Our little boy was a wiggle worm the entire scan except for the one shot telling us he was a boy.  Both my DH & I knew without the u/s tech telling us!  Part of me was going to try to stay on team green but she showed us the shot & then asked us if we wanted to find out so we did!  Everything looked good on the ultrasound except one concern - they found that we have a single vein artery in the umbilical cord instead of two veins.  It is my understanding that this is a marker for potential kidney, heart or chromosomal issues (which the MFM said with everything else looking good that he is not as concerned as he would be if they had seen abnormalities with the organs on the u/s so I am trying to remain hopeful here!)  Although it could also mean growth issues and/or preterm labor risks as well so even if everything is OK with the amnio, it brings on another worry!!  They cancelled my u/s in 2 1/2 weeks but if everything is OK, are having me come back in 10 weeks for another full anatomy scan!  I am going to see if my OB will do one in between as well!  I will definitely be talking to him about the single vein artery in two weeks at my next appointment!

The other issue I am waiting to hear results on is a couple of antibody tests that my OB is re-running.  They ran these last week and they came back abnormal, which I guess could indicate a fetal heart block.  I am hoping the new tests come back normal and there is nothing to worry about here as well!

Recent good news is that I do not have to take Lovenox like they thought I might!! My labs here came back normal and they think they know why they were abnormal last year when they were taken so I was very happy about this!!  Hopefully the good news continues!!

Too many worries for one girl to handle!! Trying my best to take it one step at a time!!

I should get going! My DH & little guy should be home soon = )  I am going to continue taking it easy & resting for the evening!! Hopefully I will have good news to share with y'all tomorrow evening!

Toddler Biting

I know biting by toddlers is common but until today, I never thought I would have to think about this subject with my son.  He has never bitten at home or shown the inclination to do so but unfortunately, I pick him up at daycare and was told he bit another child.  I did not know what to do.  It was earlier in the day and I did not know the circumstances on what happened -- any which way the biting is not proper behavior, but albeit can be normal in toddler development (from what I have read tonight.) The ladies there were reassuring that this happens and they removed him from the situation, told him biting was not acceptable, etc.  I am hoping to be able to catch the lead teacher tomorrow to understand better.  I am just fearful it might happen again and I have no idea what to do since it happens at daycare.

He has also been hitting at daycare and they have been focusing on helping him to hug instead of hit, and when he hits things at home, I am doing the same to keep consistency.  I was told the end of last week that this was getting better too so having this happen today just caught me off guard.

Our family is going through a lot of changes (stuff I can not really talk too much about online) so I feel like such a horrible parent in that this is probably impacting my little guy & I do not know how to help him.  I want to help him but am not sure what to do.

If you have any btdt experiences or advice, any help would be great!  I am feeling very overwhelmed with everything going on right now (life changes, anxiety over my amnio next Tuesday and my son who is most likely struggling & can not tell me.)

Not a very good day....

I found myself very anxious today.  Work was slow and everything seemed to get on my nerves.  It was one of those days where it was not good to get near me or I might explode (well, maybe I am exaggerating a little. hehe!) 

First, a co-worker of mine who I am not crazy about comes into my office & starts giving me a hard time about wearing a coat still.  My office tends to be very cold in the mornings so I usually keep my coat on (and sometimes I actually forget I still have it on as I am comfortable.)  Well, this woman who only comes down to our floor once a week (every Friday morning) stops by and instead of saying hi, how are you -- proceeds to make fun of me for having my coat on when it is supposed to be 80 degrees out.  So, finally, it just hit me as this is not the first time she has done this and I say "if you have an issue with me wearing a coat, please keep it to yourself.  I am comfortable."   And this lady has the nerve to step into my office and say "it is warm in here! blah, blah, blah...."  So I get upset and say I am sick & tired of everyone giving me a hard time about wearing a coat."  I think she was really surprised by my actions and she apologized if she offended me and walked out.  A friend I work with told me once this woman walked out, she (my friend) quickly got on the phone as she did not want this other woman to come over to her desk.  She is so annoying!!  All my co-workers said next Friday, they are going to wear coats too!! LOL!  And one said she would bring me a scarf & mittens to wear too!! 

Then, there were some managers at work today that did a few stupid things (like one giving confidential payroll data to our customer) that I could not believe.  Why would you do this????  I did not call him to question why as I knew I would not be very friendly talking with him so I decided to wait until Monday to call him when I hopefully will be in a better mood.  

And to top it all off, at 4:50pm while I am in picking up my son, my OBs office leaves a message for me to call their office and if it is closed, to call the OB-GYN on call.  I knew this could not be good so I called the hospital to talk to the OB-GYN on call as it was after 5 when I got the message -- and my OB starts talking to me about going back on Lovenox.  At my appointment last week, my OB was surprised I was not already on Lovenox and started investigating again - my OB reached out to my new MFM to discuss past labwork / recommendations from my prior MFM, my first pregnancy and the fact that I have MTHFR and protein C/S deficiencies.  Both recommend that I go on the Lovenox ASAP.  I did get new lab work done this evening and based on the results, they will adjust their recommendations.  The results should take a week so in the meantime, they wanted me to start a low dose tonight.  The prescription was not ready (and I would not have been able to get to the pharmacy on time) so I decided to think about overnight.  Part of me thinks that a possible blood clot is not something to mess with, that I should do it (even though everything has been OK so far) and part of me thinks I should wait until the new lab work comes back.  There have been so many opinions based on what happened during my first pregnancy with this that it is so confusing.  I really do not know what is the right thing to do.  I do not want to do anything to jeopardize my little bean or my health as blood clots can be deadly but at the same time, I do not want to be on medication if I really do not need to be.  I am thinking the right thing to do is to take it and have no regrets.  Lovenox is very safe - it is just a very painful injection and thinking about taking it for 20 weeks (at 35/36 weeks, I would switch to heparin and then after delivery, go on some blood thinner, just not sure which one.)  

So, my two fears with getting pregnant again: having an amnio done and needing to go back on Lovenox.  And I am now facing both!!!  But, if in the end, if facing both means a healthy baby, I can not complain!  A healthy baby (and a healthy me) are what is most important!! 

So, in a nutshell, my day was not a fun one between the anxiety & the news about the drs wanting me to go back on Lovenox (I probably should have been on it from the beginning.)  

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend!!  Would love to hear your weekend plans - I do not have any special plans so I would love to live vicariously through you!!   Good night!! 

Limbo Self-Pity Party

Thank you for all of the positive thoughts!  I really appreciate them very much!

Unfortunately work was slowwww this afternoon and my calm self turned into realizing how much being in limbo stinks! I am afraid to tell others that I am pg (even though I am showing and they probably realize it or think I have gained a lot of weight) in fear that it may not work out in the end.  I get scared to even think about the future.  Everything starts out with *if everything is ok, etc etc etc*.  I think I am just feeling tired as I have not been sleeping the best and having one of those afternoons.  And unfortunately, although things are busy at home, the next week at work is going to be slow too -- where I wish it were one of my really busy weeks!  Slow weeks at work make it even harder as I have that much more time to think & dwell!

I apologize as I am having a little pity party this afternoon/evening!  Being that I am pretty tired, I think I am going to go to bed in a few minutes.  I have laundry to fold but it can wait until tomorrow night.

Please, may tomorrow be a calm day for me!!!  I need to dream & think calm thoughts as thinking about limbo will be certain to drive me crazy & will not help in any way!!

Counting the days....

Surprisingly I am pretty calm about things but I am still counting the days until the amnio.  13 sleeps and 12 1/2 days to go!  I had an OB appointment yesterday and my dr is awesome!  He calmed my fears a little bit about the amnio.  He said it will be uncomfortable but it should not be too bad in terms of pain.  He said the needle is thin.  I keep imaging this humungous needle in my abdomen!  You would think I would know better after injectables but of course I imagine the worst!  I plan to ask for the FISH results so that I will get them back faster.

Thankfully things are busy at home so that is keeping my mind mostly occupied.  I wish things were busier at work but it is nice leaving at 5 every day!  I also recently received the doppler (I lent mine to a friend and she accidentally dropped it so she bought me a new one) and the past two nights have found the HB!  Music to my ears = )  I will probably use it daily for a while since it helps me.  I keep reminding my little bean how much I love him/her and am praying for healthy news!  Hope is what is keeping me sane and calm!  Hope helped me through our years of TTC and hopefully it will get me through the next couple of weeks as well.

My poor little guy had his first real bloody nose today!  He was being a little stinker at daycare climbing up on table and fell.  He kept trying to climb afterwards and the only way they could get him down was to remind him he might hurt his nose again!  He definitely has a mind of his own when he is in a climbing mode.  He does this at home on our chairs!  It drives me crazy.  Hopefully he will grow out of this phase! Maybe before he goes to college? = )

Hope this post finds everyone is well!!

Amnio scheduled

I scheduled the amnio today. It will be on Tuesday 5/29. 18 days away. I am quite nervous but in a weird way, at the moment, I feel calm. I think I realize it is out of my control. And I keep telling myself I need to be strong for my little guy. I am sure the closer I get to the date, the nerves will skyrocket. Thankfully things are busy right now. That is helping me with not focusing on this so much.  And my DH can be there with me the procedure.  He was not able to be at the NT scan so I am very happy he will be there to hold my hand!

**thinking only good thoughts**  One of my favorite movies is the Holiday and Jake Black in one of the scenes he is writing a song for Kate Winslet and states he is only using the good notes!  So I am thinking of this and saying that I am only allowed to think good thoughts!  (Wish it were really this easy but I am trying!)

Thank you to everyone for the wonderful support! It means so much to me!

A friend of mine is 10w pg and at her u/s today, they saw a cyst on the baby's brain.  This could mean nothing or it could also mean a chromosomal issue!  I am thinking of her and keeping her in my thoughts too!! I completely understand how she is feeling right now not knowing and in limbo!  She has a beautiful little girl who is almost 2 after 5 years of TTC and this pregnancy was a miracle natural pg!  Please let our little beans be healthy & safe!!

NT Scan / Bloodwork Results (Wish I had more positive news to share)

The MFMs office called me this afternoon and gave me some not so great news.  The genetic counselor explained that based on the scan & the bloodwork results, I have a 1 in 5 chance of having a chromosomal issue.  This means there is still an 80% chance everything will be ok but the normal ratio for my age is 1 in 60 or 90 (I can not remember) so my risk is much higher than average.   The options we have are a) to have a newly developed blood test done (maternal 21 I think it is called) which only looks at downs, trisomy 13 & 18; b) to have an amniocentesis done or c) not to do anything but future ultrasounds.

After talking with my DH, we have decided to go forward with the amnio.  We think it is the best for us personally to have more information on whether there is an issue or not.  The amnio is the only thing that will give us more certainty about what is going on and *hopefully* allow us to relax and enjoy the remainder of the pregnancy.  Although we have discussed what ifs, I do not like thinking about them and am afraid to talk about them openly in fear of offending someone or having someone I do not know chime in with their opinions if they differ from mine.  I should be able to talk about them openly -- it is too bad I have to watch what I am saying on my space.  But I am going to out of respect for others and to minimize my stress levels if someone gets upset with my thoughts.

I have cried quite a bit this afternoon but I want to say how lucky I am for my little boy & my DH!  My little boy's smile made my day when I picked him up from daycare and my DH always helps to calm me down.  He sent me flowers at work today too for Mother's Day - as we will not be able to be together on Sunday!!  They are beautiful.

In the end, I know whatever the results come out to be, at this point it is out of my control.  I just have to figure out a way to get through the next few weeks as the amnio can not be done until 16 weeks (and I am 13w3d today per my IUI date.)  I am going to call tomorrow to schedule.

*Note* - If you do not agree with amnios, I respect your opinions so I ask that you respect mine.  You may feel differently and may approach this differently than me.  This is the way that my DH and I have personally decided to proceed.  I am in no way writing this blog post to offend anyone.  It is my personal story.

13 weeks & Update (NT Scan)

Today I am 13 weeks per my IUI date (although baby measured 12w4d today with HB of 165).  My OB confused the MFM office as they had given a due date of 11/10 meaning I was 13w2d -- but I knew that was not the right date as my IUI was not on CD14 and my OBs office went by my LMP.  My IUI was on CD16, but knowing my betas were low initially I am thinking that things happened a little later even.  So I am trying not to worry about the 3d difference!  I was kind of amazed how little the MFMs office seemed to know about fertility treatments.

It was so nice to see my bean again today!  I wish I could open up the disk the drs office gave to us with pictures but it will not open on our home laptop = (   It was very cool - MFM's office had the monitor for the patient on the ceiling so it was so nice to see thing without having to strain my neck!  I had to wait quite a while so I had to go to the bathroom very bad.  My bladder was actually too full so she had me go some -- and I ended up not going enough so I had to go again.  Finally, everything was good but baby would not cooperate.  I had to cough & laugh to get him/her to cooperate.  But he/she finally did.   Everything looked good on the U/S but of course I am still a bit worried because the nuchal fold measurement was 2.5mm - which is on the upper end of normal.  The dr & genetic counselor told me normal was 3mm but much of what I read online says 2.5.  I know I know, I should not read online but it is hard not to.  I also had blood work today and am trying not to worry until I hear the combined results.  I think this is going to take about a week.

My next OB appointment is on the 15th so just a week away = )  And I scheduled the anatomy scan with the MFM on the 6/15.  I would rather do it with my OBs office but I think the MFM office has better equipment. Maybe I can get two???  LOL!  I am so spoiled after having 5 u/s's so far and now I will probably go 6 weeks without one!  What am I going to do?  I am getting my doppler back from a friend soon so that will help me.

I ended up taking the rest of the day off after my appointment and bought 2 pairs of maternity pants!  I am so excited as the bella band was really getting on my nerves.  They are a little big right now - that is okay with me!! Being comfortable is key!!

Off to clean up the kitchen and try to go to bed early!!  Good night!