I wanted to say thank you for your positive thoughts to my latest posts! They help and mean so much! I am feeling a little better as well after a wonderful weekend with family & friends, celebrating my son's 2nd birthday. Although I think about our angel ALL THE TIME, it helped to have happiness, playfulness and celebrating tones in our house this weekend. It has helped me to somewhat (not completely) accept that a cycle this year is out of the question. I hope though that our consult in 9 days will at least provide us with a plan to look forward to in the New Year when we are ready!
In terms of moving, there is still SO much to do, it is CRAZY! I should be working at the moment. I am trying to believe somehow, someway it will get done!! We are moving on Saturday no matter what! Crazy me is still working at my current job until Wednesday but since I am pretty much twiddling my thumbs and am completely bored, I think I may sneak out to "work" from home for a few hours (ie pack & clean stuff out.) This way I can get stuff done & my little guy will be having fun at school. Then I will have all day Thursday & most of the day Friday to get more things done as my work group is taking me out to lunch on Wednesday -- and then there is a Fall Festival at my little guy's school. And then if the weather is OK, we will go trick or treating for a little bit with friends on their street. I hope, hope, hope that we can get everything done for our move on Saturday.
I also wanted to send lots of ++++ and strong 3rd beta vibes to my friend Leslie @ My Hormonacoaster. Leslie, I am hoping & praying with all my might that your beta on Wednesday is fabulous! Fingers, toes and everything else is crossed. If you are reading this and have not already visited Leslie's blog, can you go over and wish her the BEST!
Off to do more packing & organizing. Thank you again for all of your friendship & support!!
Monday, October 29, 2012
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Overwhelmed
I am overwhelmed! There I said it! I am finally admitting 9 days before we are moving that I am overwhelmed. I am not sure how I have done everything the past 6 months. I know the first two months I was so excited to be pregnant and bringing a sibling into this world for Aaron. Our hopes & dreams of adding to our family were coming true. And then after our loss, I put one foot in front of the other for Aaron. I had to be strong for him. I wanted to make sure that he was well taken care of and this helped me to push forward. I think though that I did not really take the time to take care of myself very well. I feel more sad now that I did a month ago. I did not prepare myself well enough for a failed cycle. I have not prepared myself well enough for what should be my due date. I had not thought hard enough about what it would be like if I were not pregnant again before our due date. I had hope a month ago and now it is gone.
I actually for a few minutes today thought about talking to my dr tomorrow about a short term cycle of anti-depressants to help me get through the next month or two. I know there is nothing wrong with taking medication but I am really hesitant as I *should* be able to work through all of these emotions. I feel I *should* be strong enough with everything I have been through this year. I have worked through being a single mom for 6 months along with a roller coaster pregnancy & pregnancy loss all while taking care of a toddler. If I can do that I feel like I can do anything. The problem is I may not be strong enough to really work through this pregnancy loss. As soon as I feel like I am feeling better, something reminds me of our loss and my heart breaks all over again & tears flow down my face continuously. Additionally, I am not sleeping well. At least very shortly we will be together as a family again on a daily basis and I hope that will help me sleep better.
I have found a support group I am going to attend in mid-November. I think my plan is to hold off on the medication and see if sleeping better & attending a support group can raise my spirits & renew my hope for the future. If that does not work, I think I will be find a new OB-GYN and discuss other alternatives. I just hate not to try a few other things before going down the route of medication.
Off to work on packing & getting ready for our move.
I actually for a few minutes today thought about talking to my dr tomorrow about a short term cycle of anti-depressants to help me get through the next month or two. I know there is nothing wrong with taking medication but I am really hesitant as I *should* be able to work through all of these emotions. I feel I *should* be strong enough with everything I have been through this year. I have worked through being a single mom for 6 months along with a roller coaster pregnancy & pregnancy loss all while taking care of a toddler. If I can do that I feel like I can do anything. The problem is I may not be strong enough to really work through this pregnancy loss. As soon as I feel like I am feeling better, something reminds me of our loss and my heart breaks all over again & tears flow down my face continuously. Additionally, I am not sleeping well. At least very shortly we will be together as a family again on a daily basis and I hope that will help me sleep better.
I have found a support group I am going to attend in mid-November. I think my plan is to hold off on the medication and see if sleeping better & attending a support group can raise my spirits & renew my hope for the future. If that does not work, I think I will be find a new OB-GYN and discuss other alternatives. I just hate not to try a few other things before going down the route of medication.
Off to work on packing & getting ready for our move.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
The Question What If and Feelings of Guilt
The question What If has been going through my mind a lot lately with regards to What If I am never able to get pregnant again or what if I do get pregnant again & we have another loss? What will I do? How will I be? How will I get through the sadness? I feel so guilty thinking many of these thoughts as I know that I am absolutely BLESSED beyond words to have my husband, my son and our angel in my life. My husband is amazing and my son is a miracle. And my angel is beautiful & perfect. I love them with all my heart! Unfortunately, with lots of guilt, there is a BUT in that I want to add to our family. I want to be pregnant again. I want to have another child to see grow & play with Aaron. I want another child to remember & honor our Ethan with. The guilt is sometimes overwhelming. Am I asking too much?
I was thinking back today to almost three years ago in November 2009, when our third IUI/Injectables cycle failed and we were forced to take a break as my RE would not be doing cycles around Christmas time - and that is when our IUI would have most likely happened. I remember being bummed out and happy at the same time. And then the bummed out-ness seeped through the happiness as the month went on and the feeling of hope seemed a far distance away. I remember asking What if I never have children? I feel in a similar space right now. I think a lot of what I am feeling right now is a lack of hope. I have no idea when/if we will be able to do treatments again. I have a consultation with a new RE in two weeks but have no idea what he will say and if I will like him. I have no idea if my new job will be open to be missing time from work for infertility treatments. I know that is a lot to ask especially being new. I am not sure based on what options we decide we have if we can even afford treatments. I hope we can so that we can figure out a path to continue our dream of adding to our family. I am so anxious to hear what a new RE has to say! Praying we can figure this out!!
Three years ago when the hope faded away, the new year then came about, new hope sprang up in the air and our next cycle was the one where we conceived Aaron. I am trying with all my might to pray that we will be lucky to have the same happen to us in 2013 if/when we are able to cycle again! I guess only time will tell and in the meantime, I will do my best to enjoy our time away from TTC, get settled in our new location and marvel in the amazing things that my son is doing right now!
Hope to me is everything right now and without it, I am feeling quite sad. Guilt & sadness all mixed in. I hope that I can feel that feeling of hope again! And if it is not in the cards for us, I truly hope that I can figure out a way to come to terms with it. I know I have a truly amazing family -- I am just not ready to give up the idea of adding to it. Hopefully I will not have to give up the idea!
Have you experienced similar feelings?
I was thinking back today to almost three years ago in November 2009, when our third IUI/Injectables cycle failed and we were forced to take a break as my RE would not be doing cycles around Christmas time - and that is when our IUI would have most likely happened. I remember being bummed out and happy at the same time. And then the bummed out-ness seeped through the happiness as the month went on and the feeling of hope seemed a far distance away. I remember asking What if I never have children? I feel in a similar space right now. I think a lot of what I am feeling right now is a lack of hope. I have no idea when/if we will be able to do treatments again. I have a consultation with a new RE in two weeks but have no idea what he will say and if I will like him. I have no idea if my new job will be open to be missing time from work for infertility treatments. I know that is a lot to ask especially being new. I am not sure based on what options we decide we have if we can even afford treatments. I hope we can so that we can figure out a path to continue our dream of adding to our family. I am so anxious to hear what a new RE has to say! Praying we can figure this out!!
Three years ago when the hope faded away, the new year then came about, new hope sprang up in the air and our next cycle was the one where we conceived Aaron. I am trying with all my might to pray that we will be lucky to have the same happen to us in 2013 if/when we are able to cycle again! I guess only time will tell and in the meantime, I will do my best to enjoy our time away from TTC, get settled in our new location and marvel in the amazing things that my son is doing right now!
Hope to me is everything right now and without it, I am feeling quite sad. Guilt & sadness all mixed in. I hope that I can feel that feeling of hope again! And if it is not in the cards for us, I truly hope that I can figure out a way to come to terms with it. I know I have a truly amazing family -- I am just not ready to give up the idea of adding to it. Hopefully I will not have to give up the idea!
Have you experienced similar feelings?
Friday, October 19, 2012
Update!
Lets see!
I can not believe it is after midnight and I am still up. I had such a fun evening going out to dinner with a friend of mine. We arranged for her babysitter to watch our little guys and actually went out for a girls dinner. We talked about our little guys, our upcoming moves (as she is moving to California) and our angels (my friend lost her baby girl 4 years ago at 20 weeks to an incompetent cervix). It was so much fun! We ended up going out at 7pm and talking until 10pm - I did not get home until close to 10:45pm. And now I am up way too late!! I am going to be mad at myself in the morning for staying up so late!
Tomorrow is Aaron's SECOND birthday! OMG! Where does the time go? My baby is growing up way too fast!! He is an amazing little boy and I love him more than words can express. I told our daycare today that we are moving so our last day is in two weeks! The Director had tears in her eyes! I started bawling as his daycare is wonderful. Although we have Aaron signed up for a new daycare in SC, we were not able to find one nearly as nice as his current one. We will miss it very much! Although I was sad to tell them we would be saying goodbye, it made me smile inside that Aaron has made an impact on others sat daycare!
It looks like my decision was made for me regarding squeezing in a cycle before we move. I will not be able to as my RE, who is a solo dr, is not doing cycles over the next month. I am not sure why & I did not want to be too nosy as he has taken breaks before. I was pretty bummed out as I had it in my mind that if we could have squeezed one in, I would have. A new RE in Greenville was recommended to me and I have our first consult set up for November 7th. I have been with my current RE for 3 1/2 years so it is going to be weird talking to a new one. I hope it is a good thing to have a new fresh set of eyes on helping me to get pregnant again! The receptionist who I talked with on the phone was REALLY nice so that is always a good sign. And the new RE's office is 3 miles from my new job (where my current one was 45 minutes from my job and over an hour from my house.) And the new RE's office has so much automated -- I fill out paperwork online and everything! I just hope I like the actual RE as that is so important to me.
I went to the Remembrance Ceremony at my local hospital on Monday and it was really nice (except the midwife of the practice I go to saying some things are meant to be -- GRRR.) My OB who delivered Aaron put the event on (this was the first year they have done this) and they did a really nice job. I live in a small town so there were 4 women who had experienced losses and many staff members there. Although I wish it was not needed as there was no such thing as a loss, I am so glad that my hospital has started this to help women like myself. It meant a lot!
And before I go to bed, I wanted to send lots and lots of sticky vibes for my friend Leslie at My Hormonacoaster! She had her FET this past Wednesday!! Please send lots of sticky vibes to her embies! I hope that she will hear great news in 9 days!
I can not believe it is after midnight and I am still up. I had such a fun evening going out to dinner with a friend of mine. We arranged for her babysitter to watch our little guys and actually went out for a girls dinner. We talked about our little guys, our upcoming moves (as she is moving to California) and our angels (my friend lost her baby girl 4 years ago at 20 weeks to an incompetent cervix). It was so much fun! We ended up going out at 7pm and talking until 10pm - I did not get home until close to 10:45pm. And now I am up way too late!! I am going to be mad at myself in the morning for staying up so late!
Tomorrow is Aaron's SECOND birthday! OMG! Where does the time go? My baby is growing up way too fast!! He is an amazing little boy and I love him more than words can express. I told our daycare today that we are moving so our last day is in two weeks! The Director had tears in her eyes! I started bawling as his daycare is wonderful. Although we have Aaron signed up for a new daycare in SC, we were not able to find one nearly as nice as his current one. We will miss it very much! Although I was sad to tell them we would be saying goodbye, it made me smile inside that Aaron has made an impact on others sat daycare!
It looks like my decision was made for me regarding squeezing in a cycle before we move. I will not be able to as my RE, who is a solo dr, is not doing cycles over the next month. I am not sure why & I did not want to be too nosy as he has taken breaks before. I was pretty bummed out as I had it in my mind that if we could have squeezed one in, I would have. A new RE in Greenville was recommended to me and I have our first consult set up for November 7th. I have been with my current RE for 3 1/2 years so it is going to be weird talking to a new one. I hope it is a good thing to have a new fresh set of eyes on helping me to get pregnant again! The receptionist who I talked with on the phone was REALLY nice so that is always a good sign. And the new RE's office is 3 miles from my new job (where my current one was 45 minutes from my job and over an hour from my house.) And the new RE's office has so much automated -- I fill out paperwork online and everything! I just hope I like the actual RE as that is so important to me.
I went to the Remembrance Ceremony at my local hospital on Monday and it was really nice (except the midwife of the practice I go to saying some things are meant to be -- GRRR.) My OB who delivered Aaron put the event on (this was the first year they have done this) and they did a really nice job. I live in a small town so there were 4 women who had experienced losses and many staff members there. Although I wish it was not needed as there was no such thing as a loss, I am so glad that my hospital has started this to help women like myself. It meant a lot!
And before I go to bed, I wanted to send lots and lots of sticky vibes for my friend Leslie at My Hormonacoaster! She had her FET this past Wednesday!! Please send lots of sticky vibes to her embies! I hope that she will hear great news in 9 days!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
BFN Official: AF is here = ( / Oct 15th
BFN is official. AF showed her ugly face in the middle of the night - and she is being extra mean today too. I have been beyond sad today but have tried to hold it together for my little guy. Thankfully, my DH was home and took my little guy out for a little while this afternoon so I could have some time to myself. I knew the chances were low that we would get lucky on our first try again but I think what hurts the most is that it is more real than ever that we may not be able to add to our family...all the day before Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance day and a month away from when my due date should be.
My head feels like there is a ping pong inside of it right now. I know I sound like I am crazy when I say that. One side of me feels incredibly blessed for what I have (my DS1, my DH, my health, a comfortable life, and much more) and the other side wants to swear at the world for taking my DS2 away from me too early. It has crushed my dreams of having two children close in age. It may crush my dreams of even having more than one child. I do not even have enough words to really say how much it hurts! I love my little guy more than anything in this world but am so sad I may never be able to give him a sibling. I will hopefully find out tomorrow if we can cycle before we move. I pray we can. I long for more hope!!
Not only is October 15th 4 months since we lost our baby Ethan, but it is also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I am going to a ceremony at my local hospital tomorrow (my OBs office called on Friday to invite me) and will be thinking of all of the babies we have lost and wanted to ask if you might say a prayer or light a candle for our babies at 7pm. My thoughts & prayers go out to all of the Baby Loss Mommies in our community.
My head feels like there is a ping pong inside of it right now. I know I sound like I am crazy when I say that. One side of me feels incredibly blessed for what I have (my DS1, my DH, my health, a comfortable life, and much more) and the other side wants to swear at the world for taking my DS2 away from me too early. It has crushed my dreams of having two children close in age. It may crush my dreams of even having more than one child. I do not even have enough words to really say how much it hurts! I love my little guy more than anything in this world but am so sad I may never be able to give him a sibling. I will hopefully find out tomorrow if we can cycle before we move. I pray we can. I long for more hope!!
Not only is October 15th 4 months since we lost our baby Ethan, but it is also Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I am going to a ceremony at my local hospital tomorrow (my OBs office called on Friday to invite me) and will be thinking of all of the babies we have lost and wanted to ask if you might say a prayer or light a candle for our babies at 7pm. My thoughts & prayers go out to all of the Baby Loss Mommies in our community.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
BFN & More Cramps
Even though I was trying not to test until Monday (as I think AF will be here before then), I caved this morning and tested as I am a POAS addict. I had a slight bit of hope left but it was a Big Ole BFN! I have always had some sort of faint line by 12piui so I am calling this one as I have more cramps. I will just wait for AF to get here today, tomorrow or Monday.
This sucks!! In my heart of hearts, since the middle of this week, I just *knew* it was not going to work but it still sucks!
Now to see if we can fit in one more cycle before we move. My DH & I are going to work through the move date this weekend.
This sucks!! In my heart of hearts, since the middle of this week, I just *knew* it was not going to work but it still sucks!
Now to see if we can fit in one more cycle before we move. My DH & I are going to work through the move date this weekend.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Going Crazy! 11dpiui.
I am going nuts! I am 99% sure this cycle is not going to work - I had a tiny bit of spotting today during work and none since. But I definitely have AF cramps on & off and my back hurts! If it is not going to work, I just want AF to get here! This is when I wish I took my temperature every day so I could see. I am tempted to stop the prometrium but I know I should not until AF is here in full force. I would like AF to get here sooner than later as if she gets here sooner, there is a chance that we could get in one more cycle before we move!
YES! We are moving - probably in 3 to 4 weeks!! I finally found a job -- and although it is not my ideal / dream job, I am so excited to be able to move. YIPPIE! Once I am moved, I will document more about the last 6 months so not to forget what I have been able to do.
Doing one more cycle may not be a great idea with all the stress of moving & starting a new job but I think we have some more of my DH's frozen sperm left so I would like to try to use it and why not have one more last chance before I will need to take a few months off with starting a new job. Not sure it would be a good idea to start a new job and tell my new manager that I will be late so often due to infertility treatments! However, if I were pregnant before starting, that would be OK except for the fact that I am not really eligible for FMLA until one year of employment. But, we would figure it out! I am not a spring chicken so time is not necessarily on my side!
Here is wishing I am wrong and there is still a chance -- or to AF getting here FAST!!!
YES! We are moving - probably in 3 to 4 weeks!! I finally found a job -- and although it is not my ideal / dream job, I am so excited to be able to move. YIPPIE! Once I am moved, I will document more about the last 6 months so not to forget what I have been able to do.
Doing one more cycle may not be a great idea with all the stress of moving & starting a new job but I think we have some more of my DH's frozen sperm left so I would like to try to use it and why not have one more last chance before I will need to take a few months off with starting a new job. Not sure it would be a good idea to start a new job and tell my new manager that I will be late so often due to infertility treatments! However, if I were pregnant before starting, that would be OK except for the fact that I am not really eligible for FMLA until one year of employment. But, we would figure it out! I am not a spring chicken so time is not necessarily on my side!
Here is wishing I am wrong and there is still a chance -- or to AF getting here FAST!!!
Monday, October 8, 2012
Update (IUI, weekend, pink eye etc etc.)
I realized I have not updated in a little while so I thought I would in bullet point fashion as things have been so crazy around here!
* Lets's see -- my IUI was on Monday 10/1 so I am almost 8dpiui. My RE did an u/s right before the IUI and it actually showed I had already ovulated. I asked if we should still go forward with the IUI and my RE said yes, so we did! Luckily, we had some fun that weekend though = ) Although at 8dpiui, I am honestly not feeling it! I have had on and off AF like cramps & bloating. I know that these can also be pregnancy signs - especially with having started prometrium yesterday. But at the same time I am realistic and know the chances are minimal with an IUI.
* Had a wonderful weekend visiting my DH in South Carolina, while my inlaws watched Aaron for us. We celebrated our 10th anniversary a little early. I flew in to Charlotte on Thursday, drove down to Greenville and had 2 interviews on Friday, then we went to Asheville, NC on Saturday to visit the Biltmore Estate & I then drove back to Charlotte on Sunday! Lots of driving but it was fun! And it was nice to have some alone time with my DH! We missed Aaron a ton and talked about him most of the time = )
* Aaron caught pink eye somehow - when I called to let daycare know today, they said another child in Aaron's classroom was sent home today with pink eye too so he must have caught it at daycare. When I got home yesterday, I noticed some discharge from his eyes but his eyes were not actually red so I was not too worried as I thought it was just the start of a cold. This morning, he woke up with puffy & crusty eyes! My inlaws were so nice & took him to the pediatrician for me and it turns out it is pink eye! My FIL had to get back to their home so he drove back while my MIL stayed & watched Aaron today as I had an important meeting at work to attend. My FIL will drive back tomorrow to pick up my MIL - they will watch Aaron until I get home from work and then will head back home again. They are so wonderful. We are truly lucky to have their help and are going to miss them very much once we get moved!
* I do not talk a ton about our move as it has been a tough process. However, I did receive a verbal offer today for a new job in South Carolina. I am very conflicted about it! I have to sleep on it and hopefully more clarity will come to me soon. Problem is the salary is really low & no 401K match but in the end, I know it would be the best thing for our family.
* My work has been so crazy busy -- I am having trouble keeping up! Right near the point I might be leaving, it starts to get busy like I like it to be -- for so many months, it was so boring & I was searching for work to do!! Crazy how that works!
* If I do start a new job soon, and this cycle does not work, then it looks like TTC will be put on hold again. And with just turning 40, I am not sure what the future holds in terms of another child. More and more unfortunately the thoughts of coming to terms with having no more children has been in the back of my mind. I know I am not ready to accept that but part of me feels like I may have to with everything else going on.
Question: if you have come to terms with not having any more children despite an extreme desire to have more children - how did you do this?
* 38 days until it *should* have been my due date! I was in tears this weekend as a friend texted our college group with an u/s announcing she was pregnant (about 9-10 weeks along I think). I am happy for her but it hit me hard! And now even harder realizing that it may never happen again for us. I truly hope it does but it is hard to see right now. Ethan, I miss you & I love you!!
* Aaron, my adorable boy, will be TWO in less than 2 weeks. Craziness!! Hard to believe!! You are truly amazing and I am thankful each & every day to have you in my life (and hope that you did not give me a heart attach with your dare-devilishness!)
Off to bed I go!! Good night!!
* Lets's see -- my IUI was on Monday 10/1 so I am almost 8dpiui. My RE did an u/s right before the IUI and it actually showed I had already ovulated. I asked if we should still go forward with the IUI and my RE said yes, so we did! Luckily, we had some fun that weekend though = ) Although at 8dpiui, I am honestly not feeling it! I have had on and off AF like cramps & bloating. I know that these can also be pregnancy signs - especially with having started prometrium yesterday. But at the same time I am realistic and know the chances are minimal with an IUI.
* Had a wonderful weekend visiting my DH in South Carolina, while my inlaws watched Aaron for us. We celebrated our 10th anniversary a little early. I flew in to Charlotte on Thursday, drove down to Greenville and had 2 interviews on Friday, then we went to Asheville, NC on Saturday to visit the Biltmore Estate & I then drove back to Charlotte on Sunday! Lots of driving but it was fun! And it was nice to have some alone time with my DH! We missed Aaron a ton and talked about him most of the time = )
* Aaron caught pink eye somehow - when I called to let daycare know today, they said another child in Aaron's classroom was sent home today with pink eye too so he must have caught it at daycare. When I got home yesterday, I noticed some discharge from his eyes but his eyes were not actually red so I was not too worried as I thought it was just the start of a cold. This morning, he woke up with puffy & crusty eyes! My inlaws were so nice & took him to the pediatrician for me and it turns out it is pink eye! My FIL had to get back to their home so he drove back while my MIL stayed & watched Aaron today as I had an important meeting at work to attend. My FIL will drive back tomorrow to pick up my MIL - they will watch Aaron until I get home from work and then will head back home again. They are so wonderful. We are truly lucky to have their help and are going to miss them very much once we get moved!
* I do not talk a ton about our move as it has been a tough process. However, I did receive a verbal offer today for a new job in South Carolina. I am very conflicted about it! I have to sleep on it and hopefully more clarity will come to me soon. Problem is the salary is really low & no 401K match but in the end, I know it would be the best thing for our family.
* My work has been so crazy busy -- I am having trouble keeping up! Right near the point I might be leaving, it starts to get busy like I like it to be -- for so many months, it was so boring & I was searching for work to do!! Crazy how that works!
* If I do start a new job soon, and this cycle does not work, then it looks like TTC will be put on hold again. And with just turning 40, I am not sure what the future holds in terms of another child. More and more unfortunately the thoughts of coming to terms with having no more children has been in the back of my mind. I know I am not ready to accept that but part of me feels like I may have to with everything else going on.
Question: if you have come to terms with not having any more children despite an extreme desire to have more children - how did you do this?
* 38 days until it *should* have been my due date! I was in tears this weekend as a friend texted our college group with an u/s announcing she was pregnant (about 9-10 weeks along I think). I am happy for her but it hit me hard! And now even harder realizing that it may never happen again for us. I truly hope it does but it is hard to see right now. Ethan, I miss you & I love you!!
* Aaron, my adorable boy, will be TWO in less than 2 weeks. Craziness!! Hard to believe!! You are truly amazing and I am thankful each & every day to have you in my life (and hope that you did not give me a heart attach with your dare-devilishness!)
Off to bed I go!! Good night!!
Monday, October 1, 2012
Capture Your Grief Day 1: Sunrise Photo
I am not very happy with my sunrise photo but at a stop light this morning was my only opportunity to take one today as we leave our house when it is completely dark (and on weekends, we do not get up until a littler later.) But, here it is!
Capture Your Grief 2012 Facebook page and Capture Your Grief Website explain the project - it is hosted by Carly Marie as part of October & Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. It lasts 31 days and there are different themes on each of the 31 days. I am not sure how many days I will actually be able to participate but I will do my best to participate on as many days as possible in honor of my sweet Ethan! Missing you with all my heart & love!
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