I am overwhelmed! There I said it! I am finally admitting 9 days before we are moving that I am overwhelmed. I am not sure how I have done everything the past 6 months. I know the first two months I was so excited to be pregnant and bringing a sibling into this world for Aaron. Our hopes & dreams of adding to our family were coming true. And then after our loss, I put one foot in front of the other for Aaron. I had to be strong for him. I wanted to make sure that he was well taken care of and this helped me to push forward. I think though that I did not really take the time to take care of myself very well. I feel more sad now that I did a month ago. I did not prepare myself well enough for a failed cycle. I have not prepared myself well enough for what should be my due date. I had not thought hard enough about what it would be like if I were not pregnant again before our due date. I had hope a month ago and now it is gone.
I actually for a few minutes today thought about talking to my dr tomorrow about a short term cycle of anti-depressants to help me get through the next month or two. I know there is nothing wrong with taking medication but I am really hesitant as I *should* be able to work through all of these emotions. I feel I *should* be strong enough with everything I have been through this year. I have worked through being a single mom for 6 months along with a roller coaster pregnancy & pregnancy loss all while taking care of a toddler. If I can do that I feel like I can do anything. The problem is I may not be strong enough to really work through this pregnancy loss. As soon as I feel like I am feeling better, something reminds me of our loss and my heart breaks all over again & tears flow down my face continuously. Additionally, I am not sleeping well. At least very shortly we will be together as a family again on a daily basis and I hope that will help me sleep better.
I have found a support group I am going to attend in mid-November. I think my plan is to hold off on the medication and see if sleeping better & attending a support group can raise my spirits & renew my hope for the future. If that does not work, I think I will be find a new OB-GYN and discuss other alternatives. I just hate not to try a few other things before going down the route of medication.
Off to work on packing & getting ready for our move.
Oh Leslie! How could you NOT be totally overwhelmed with everything going on!? I think it really shows your strength that you're able to admit it and be willing to look for help. Lots of thoughts and prayers being sent your way!!!
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find a way that works for you to get through this all. Our due date is in the first part of December and I'm starting to feel the anxiety and panic rising. Thinking of you in the days and weeks ahead!
ReplyDeleteOh my sweet friend! You have been through so much, and mostly alone. Your strength through this has amazed me. I truly hope once your move is over and you don't have to carry the weight of the world alone, you can sleep better at night. I am so glad that you have found the support group and I hope they can help bring you healing as well. Thinking of you always!
ReplyDeleteMy husband said the same thing after he'd been going through a hard time over 2 years. He kept saying "I should be able to handle this on my own." I tried to tell him that it's ok to get help via counseling or medication. Sometimes too many things at once makes it harder to bounce back on your own. I'm saying the same thing to you now and letting you know it's ok to get help. It doesn't make you less strong, or less able. It does not label you as one of those people. It does not mean something is wrong with you. It just means you've had a lot at once and are looking for help because it's getting very hard. I want you to know I'm thinking of you. I know it's hard as your due date is approaching. The week of my due date was very hard and it still remains with me.....I hope you'll work on greiving and getting your emotions out. Keep thinking on the meds but definitely attend the support group. Hugs! You will get through this, just take it 1 day at a time.
ReplyDeleteKitty
After this last failed cycle, it sent me over the edge and I decided to get put on medications. As for me right now, it is working. I SO understand that you don't want to go down that road. I hope you are able to get everything under control and level out soon.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you@
When I don't sleep well I am a wreck. Maybe you can get some medication to at least help with that, even if it's just over the counter or something. That way you could see how much of an effect that is having on you first. Tylenol PM works for me...might be worth a shot. {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteI can't see how you could possibly not be overwhelmed. You are in the midst of a big stressful relocation project with all the adjustments related, you are tired and hurt. I tried my very best to avoid medication back when I was hitting rock bottom, but I am not sure if it was the best decision. I think talking to a pro might help you with making the right decision. Don't feel pressured. There might be alternative ways to help you through, perhaps helping you to catch up on sleeping and quality resting. I hope your new support group will help you with the healing process. It is a long road, but you, my friend has been holding up so well. You took many brave steps ahead and I think you are on the right track reaching out and trying to find your new path.
ReplyDeleteMuch, much love your ways
You have had just about every life change possible - in the past few years - and the loss of Ethan on top of all that - overwhelmed is probably putting it mildly! Perhaps should *should* be able to work through these things, but if a short course of antidepressants helped, that would be a good thing, right? You don't get a medal for doing things the hard way (which of course you know, but sometimes it helps to hear!) if there's a reasonable alternative that would help.
ReplyDeleteI really hope the support group helps - sending you strong and calming thoughts!
It's understandable that you'd feel overwhelmed - there is no "should" about you getting through this. Here's another vote for getting the help you need, whether that's medication, a support group, or something else. Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment today. It's especially touching considering the pain you are going through right now. I hope that you find something that feels right to you for working through your grief.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness - you have SO MUCH going on right now, how could you NOT be overwhelmed?! I am sorry you are feeling that way, but know that things are soon to start slowing down. You guys need to get through the move first :) Thinking of you and hoping your heart is feeling stronger by the day. It's totally okay to find help and figure out if medicine will help you get through this particularly rough time.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
I hate how grief does that... one minute you are okay and the next it feels like you are right back where you were when you first heard about your precious baby. I'm so sorry, Leslie. I'm so sorry you sweet boy isn't in your arms. I'm so sorry life is so unfair and you are struggling to get another chance to be a mommy. I'm just so, so, so sorry. I'll be praying for you for comfort.
ReplyDeleteThank you for following my blog. Losing a baby (no matter when) is terrible and to have the support of people reading means so much. I have found so much help and support from other bloggers, I can only hope Jovi's someday does the same. I have gone one local support group here for SIDS. Let's just say it wasn't the best. I haven't been back. I've found an amazing mom who lost her baby to SIDS just two months before me and we've became friends. I've also found a few other moms who are super helpful. We have a local MISS group that I haven't been to, yet. I'm planning on trying that out soon. I hope yours is excellent. I hope you find someone to relate to... This is so hard and too hard to do on your own. Hang in there. I hope tomorrow feels lighter and easier than today.