ER Visit on Thanksgiving - Gallstones

Last night, I went to the ER with a lot of pain in my upper back and a stomach ache. I tried to endure it for a few hours before going in but I could not get comfortable anywhere. My family convinced me to go to the ER (my sil is a physicians asst) and i am glad they did. Thankfully we are with my dh's family so they took care of Baby Dude. The dr did an exam and guessed it was my gallbladder right away. They did bloodwork and an ultrasound and they found I have multiple gallstones. I was sent home with instructions to call my family dr and to eat a low fat diet. We were thankful it was not a blood clot and is something that is easily taken care of (ie removal of gallbladder.) A low fat diet is no fun but I am afraid of the pain again. They did give me zofran and morphine while at the ER which helped a lot. My dh's mom took care of Baby Dude last
night & this morning so we both could get some sleep. Thankfully I brought enough formula with us as I ended up sleeping until 1pm. I had to pump because I was engorged a bit and I threw the milk out just in case although they said the medication was ok while breastfeeding. The ER dr even called the pharmacist on call just to make sure. I am still a bit tired and nauseous but much much better. Hopefully if I do need to get my gallbladder out, I can have this done while on leave. My dh's mom can come back to help us out if needed. I did find out that gallstones are very common after pregnancy. I did not know this.

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. Thinking of you and how thankful I am for your friendship & support.

Post Partum Checkup

I had my post partum checkup today and I must say I love my dr. She is awesome. It was a lot longer of an appt than I thought it would be. To sum it up:

* My tears/stitches are still healing and the internal exam really hurt. She said we should abstain for another 3-4 weeks. I am ok with this as I am not quite mentally there yet. I know this sounds crazy but my mind has been so focused on other things and my libido has been quite low. I hope this feeling goes away in another month = )

* I have about 5 pounds to lose to get to pre-pg levels but 10 to 15 pounds to get to pre-infertility levels. Dr gave me the ok to start exercising more again. She said to get creative if need be like using a step to go up and down while making dinner. I am sure this is easier said than done. I need to figure something out as I have been stuck at this weight level for a few weeks now. I wish it were the spring already and I could walk Baby Dude outside more. My gym does have a childcare center and will take children 6 weeks of age or older so one more week to go. If I do this, it might be good practice for me when Baby Dude starts daycare as I know that is going to be really, really hard.

* I had a lactation consultant appt on Friday (which I need to finish writing about) and even though we nursed ALL weekend with very minimal formula and no pacifiers, my supply still seems low. My OB has prescribed for me something to help increase my supply to see if this helps us maintain breastfeeding. I am really trying not to give up and am trying everything before moving away from it.

* The bloodwork they did while I was in the hospital found two abnormalities that might help explain my blood clot issues and also my chem pregnancies last year. It found I am homozygous for the MTHFR gene mutation and heterozygous for a lupus anticoagulation mutation. My RE did not believe in this type of testing so I never had this done while TTC. Now I know that the baby aspirin I took on my own before and during our successful cycle really helped to bring Baby Dude into our lives. I always had suspicions that the baby aspirin was our magical ingredient but this helped me to confirm that feeling.

* My OB is referring me to a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist to talk to about future steps to take before/during a subsequent pregnancy. I know deep down I want to have another child (if we are able to) - just not sure about timing yet. My DH & I have not talked too much about timing yet but I am thinking I would like to before/around when I will be 40 which is less than 2 years away. Of course we know, timing is not always within our control. DH & I have a few months to talk about timing too...

* Since I am on blood thinners for another 4 months and the medicine I am on can cause birth defects, I am going to start taking the mini-pill soon just to be safe. I can not take any birth control with estrogen so the mini-pill or IUDs are my only options right now. I really was not planning on taking any birth control but since the blood thinners can cause birth defects, I decided that I should. I just hope it does not cause more future fertility issues!

Overall, it was a very good & informative appt. It is too bad some of my issues were not caught earlier but at the same time, I would not change a thing as Baby Dude is our little miracle.

Four Weeks Old & In Need of Advice

Holy smokes, Baby Dude is four weeks old. Time is flying. Baby dude is growing, growing and growing some more. I must admit that the last few days have been trying for me. Baby Dude seems to be going through a growth spurt and besides being hungry all the time, is very fussy all the time as well! And he still has his days/night mixed up. I find myself going through all the questions/methods to try to soothe him with little success - does he need a diaper change, is he hungry, is he hot, is he cold, does he need to burp etc etc. He does not burp very easily so this is a tough one.

From the BTDT moms, any advice on methods that have worked for you to sooth a crying, fussy baby? Any advice would be great!! I went through everything today and he would not stop! I put him down for a moment and called my husband at work in tears because I did not know what to do. I went a little while without feeling like I had the Baby Blues anymore and between yesterday/today I have broken down into tears again a few times. My DH knows how to calm me down so it just helped to talk for a moment. We talked and the one thing I had not tried yet was a car ride. However, After I got off the phone and before I went for a car ride, I breathed deeply and went through the questions again. I ended up playing with him (showing him all my stuffed animals or what I call his zoo friends) for a little while until he cried again and then I walked him around the house until he finally fell asleep. If this had not worked, I would have tried the car ride.

I feel horrible when I can not figure out what he is trying to tell me and when I can not soothe him. My heart breaks when he just cries & cries and I can not figure out why. I am searching for better ways to soothe him. Right now, I barely have any time to spend reading or looking on the intranet, so I thought I would ask for BTDT advice.

In addition to this, B/F is still not going well and I tried to contact the one LC I could find within a half hour of my house and she never called me back. Part of living in the boonies. After this LC, I could only find ones that were an hour away. I need to decide whether I should drive this distance to continue on the breastfeeing path. I am leaning towards giving up on B/F and to add to my stress from the above, I feel like a complete failure making this decision. I know I shouldn't and I know formula is just fine for my little guy -- but there is a deep down feeling of failure on my part. I know all of my stress is probably not helping either so I need to figure out how to minimize my stress.....

Three Weeks Old & Updates (Long)

Baby Dude is three weeks old (and one day). WOW! Time is flying! It is really hard to believe he entered this world three weeks ago. The first two weeks were filled with visitors and craziness. I have not found the time to write about my mom and how much of an annoyance she was during her visit. My dad was fabulous with Baby Dude but my mom.. well, another story!

My mom -- She is very used to being very active. My mom may be turning 70 this year but she has the energy of a 20 year old. Well, we could not be very active as Baby Dude was less than 2 weeks old when she was here and also, the weather was cold & icky so it was hard to be outside. My mom was totally bored and barely bonded with Baby Dude. She only wanted to bond when I was handing him to my dad to feed or hold. She only wanted to when it suited her time - at night, she would hang out upstairs in her bedroom reading. She even made the comment that next time they may only come up for 5 days as 7 days was too long. She actually made a mistake and scheduled their flights back for Sunday morning instead of Saturday morning (which is what she originally planned.) She was going to stay in a hotel by the airport (which is an hour away) Saturday night instead of hanging out with her grandchild. My DH made a comment to her about spending more time with her grandchild and she was not happy about the comment as she thought she was trying to be nice about not having us get up so early to take them to the airport. In reality, it was her being selfish because she did not want to get up early. In the end, they stayed here Saturday night and my DH took them to the airpot. When leaving, my dad could not stop holding Baby Dude. He had tears in his eyes. My mom did not even put down her bags to give Baby Dude a hug goodbye. I was very saddened by this as my parents do not live very close to us and we are not sure the next time we will see them. But, in the end, I am not surprised by my mom's behavior. In the end, we think my mom was not happy she was not the center of attention, which is where she likes to be. The way my dad was with Baby Dude actually helped me to forget about my mom's behavior and ignore it. (I do want to add that I love my mom and I am lucky to have her as my mom -- however, I was just not pleased with her behavior. I am not talking favorably about her here but she has been very good to me and I have had a wonderful life.)

My in-laws were here last week and my MIL is great with babies. I learned a lot from her but she was almost too helpful, if that makes sense. She continuously wanted to hold Baby Dude, feed him (as we are still supplementing) and change him. By the end, I had to put my foot down a little and do things as we need to learn how to take care of him on our own especially me with my DH being back at work. My FIL was very helpful with taking our dog for walks and making sure he does not feel ignored. My dog is used to being in daycare daily and since Baby Dude was born, we have not had him in daycare to help save some $. Starting this week, I am going to take him up to daycare two times / week to give him some activity as he is too big for me to walk. It is funny how my inlaws are opposite of my mom - they are happy hanging out inside watching TV & hanging out with Baby Dude. It was a nice week.

Stepping back, I have wanted to write about the challenges faced in the first couple weeks after delivery. I am sorry if it is a little scattered. Despite all the challenges, I would not trade my life right now for anything. Every moment of pain & tears is 100% worth it to have my Baby Dude. I would do everything again in a heartbeat!

** Tearing/Stitches - My labor was almost 32 hours in total and my pushing phase with 2 hours long. I experienced 2nd/3rd degree tears that took an hour to repair. After delivery, it hurt so much to get out of bed between the stitches and contractions that occur post delivery -- it hurt so much so that the nurse had to help me put on the disposable underwear that they give to you. I could barely muster the strength to pick my legs. It was more pain than I had experienced in my life. The contractions also do not stop - they keep going for a while as your uterus starts trying to get back to normal size. And when going to the bathroom, lots of clots just like with AF will be there. As long as they are small in size, it it normal. And this occurs for a while after delivery -- for me, I was wearing large/maxi pads for almost 2 weeks and now regular pads/liners due to continuous spotting. I was told this could last up to 6 weeks.
*** The pain/recovery was a lot more intense than I ever imagined. I have a wonderful DH who helped out tremendously but it makes it hard to move around as much as I would have liked. And it took away some of the enjoyment of Baby Dude's arrival unfortunately. I wish I had been more prepared so I could force myself to enjoy the time a little more.
*** The hospital provides a peri bottle (to help clean the area), tucks pads, dermoplast spray and ice packs to place down there for relief as well. All helped very much especially the dermoplast spray since it sort of numbs the area. They had me going to the bathroom every 2 hours at least to help recovery as they said if you do not go often enough, down there can swell so much that it will require intervention/further procedures that are quite painful. Since I was in so much pain the first night, the morning nurse walked me through everything again and was wonderful. I learned that no question is stupid and not to be shy!
*** The pain does get much, much better! It took me about 2 weeks to feel more like myself physically.

** Emotions/Crying - wow! Where do I start? The first two weeks, I continuously broke down into tears for either no reason or for just feeling overwhelmed. I remember the last day I was in the hospital just breaking down completely.
*** I blogged about this during my pg, but I was on blood thinners the last month of my pg due to a presumed pulmonary embolism. It was presumed because when I was in the ER, I turned down the CT Scan and subsequent scans/ultrasounds after my ER visit showed no clots. At first they wanted me to start on Levonox again, which I turned down until I had more time to process/talk to the drs ... although mostly it was because I was scared of the injections. They are so painful to me. I talked to an internist at the hospital who I had not talked to before and after reading my case, he said I did not need to continue meds. Then my OB came in and wanted me to start this other drug (coumadin) that I knew nothing about. Then another OB came in and started talking to me about how I needed to consult with my family dr. I was fed so much information. And it it was my breaking point... I just broke down. I was crying uncontrollabley, felt dizzy, could not breathe etc. I was afraid to tell them I could not breathe as they might make me stay longer and all I wanted to do was get home. I was so tired of being in the hospital.
*** After my break down in the hospital, I broke down into tears at the drop of a pin needle. I felt so bad for my little guy as I could not enjoy his company as much as I wanted to. I hated myself for crying so much!
*** I ended up seeing my family dr and broke down in his office as a result of the blood thinner drama. He ran some more tests and my b/w came back with high numbers like I had in the ER. He is keeping me on the coumadin for another 4+ months. He said it is likely I had a small clot that resolved itself. Scary!!
*** The nurses told me that emotions/crying/tears are very normal for the first two-three weeks. If they occur uncontrollably after this, it could be post partum depresssion which can be serious. My emotions are much, much better although I still find myself in tears at certain times (like after watching a Baby Story and this past Monday when my DH left for work & I was so overtired... I was not sure I could handle being on my own for the day!)

** Jaundice -- I had heard of Jaundice but did not really know much about it. When Baby Dude was diagnosed at his appt three days after delivery, I also broke down into tears. I have tears now just thinking about it = ( I blame(d) myself for putting him through this (as breastfeeding was not going well) and also for not identifying it prior to his appt. His billirubin level had reached about 20-21 and of course, researching it online, I saw how close it was to 25, which is the levels in which in could cause a lot of damage. I was so scared. Jaundice from what I understand now is very very common but hearing that he needed to go back to the hospital really through me for a loop. Babe=y Dude did wonderful under the lights! He originally was supposed to have an IV but they could not get it into him so I had to feed/supplement every couple of hours. He was able to go home very quickly.

** BreastFeeding - OMG. All I have to say is that it is MUCH MUCH harder than I ever imagined. I had heard it was hard but it is 100 times harder. As a result of latching difficulties & the jaundice, we started to supplement during the 2nd hospital stay based on the advice of the drs and we are still supplementing today. I had the best of intentions not to supplement & to pump. However, I tried pumping and it was a disaster. I was afraid to try again - it took me a week to try again. I started and was doing better & Baby Dude decided he was hungry so I stopped to feed him. I will hopefully try again today. I still am not sure how long I will continue with the B/F and pumping though. I want to do what is best but at the same time all of my worries/stress related to B/F are taking away enjoyment of the bonding/feeding time! I am still debating whether to call at Lactation consultant or stop all together. I need to decide this week. I also am conflicted about what to do when I go back to work in 2 months. I know my DH wants me to B/F as well. A wise friend told me about a conversation that she had with her pedi with the jist being not to feel guilty if we formula feed because formula fed babies can still go to Harvard. I am just trying to come to terms with this all and it takes a while. There is so much pressure to b/f (as breast is best according to many) and it is hard not to feel pressure to continue. In the end, what is most important is my Baby Dude!!

The only other challenge right now that I will have to write about later as Baby Dude is stirring right now. My post is so long already so I will write about this at another time.

Two Weeks Old & Anniversary

It has been a little bit since I have been able to blog. My parents were here last week (and my mom drove me NUTS -- this is another post in and of itself), my in-laws are here in this week and my DH went back to work this week after 2 weeks at home. We miss having him at home!! I started yesterday to send him a picture of the day through text. It is fun! It is like making him lunch and leaving a little note in his lunch bag (hehe!).

Our little guy is 2 weeks old today (wow!!) and it is our 8 year wedding anniversary as well (we have known each other for a little over 11 years.) I am so thankful to have both my DH and my little guy in my life! I can not imagine what life would be like without them! I am one lucky person!! = )

My in-laws are out taking my dog for a walk so I am trying to get a few things done before I lay down for a nap as my little guy is also sleeping. I am trying not to worry too much about house chores and sleep while he sleeps... it is easier said than done though as there is a lot to do. But if I do not, I am a mess at night and I think it stresses us all out. I am trying hard to make sure I keep a close eye on my sleep (I have always needed a lot of sleep). Next week, when we have no help, it will certainly be a bigger challenge.

I have been meaning to write more about some of the challenges I have faced in the last two weeks (recovery, emotions, learning to live with less sleep, b/f difficulties, supplementing etc etc) but I will have to fit this in at another time.