Birth Story & A Few Pictures

I have to admit that my birth story is a little fuzzy as it was so long but I wanted to try to document as much as I could. I do not remember the exact times things occurred but here goes the long version.

On Sunday the 17th, I started having very uncomfortable contractions about 5 to 10 minutes apart for 2 hours and our little guy was being very quiet so we decided to head over to the hospital. I was not really sure if they were real contractions or stronger Braxton Hicks and thought they might check us & send us home. They admitted us right away, monitored us for a while and did a cervical check. My cervix was very far back but the nurse thought maybe I was 2-3 cm along so a little progess since my last OB appt a week prior where I was only a finger tip dilated. My OB came by a bit later and did another cervical check and said it was actually not quite 2cm along, with the cervix being way far back still. I think with being almost 40 weeks, they decided it was best for us to stay and deliver. Being that I was on heparin for several weeks, they first had to reverse the heparin so the gave me a shot in my behind (not fun but not much worse than PIO injections) and had to run bloodwork before anything else could be done. This took a while, but afterwards when the bloodwork looked good, they let us walk the halls and gave me an ambien to try to help me get some rest and see if the contractions I was having were doing anything.

I woke up around 5am on the 18th and was still contracting, but not in too much pain yet. The ambien helped me to get some rest and feel better. My OB came in later that morning and did another cervical check and there was unfortunately no progress overnight as I was still not quite 2cm along with my cervix still being far back. They started to the process to ripen my cervix to see if this might work before going for full induction with pitocin. They let this take effect until about 1pm, when my OB did another cervical check (yes, I got alot of these throughout) and found that I was only about 3cm, but my cervix was coming forward a little. At this time, they decided to start the pitocin.

They slowly ramped the pitocin up every 1/2 hour to an hour so it was a very slow process as there were at least 10 different times they increased the pitocin. I can not remember what time it was but as the process moved along, things started to get painful. I finally took some pain meds to try to help and as I was feeling a little better, my water broke. What a bizarre experience -- I was sort of resting from the pain meds and I heard a loud POP and a small gush, then a bigger gush. Yep, my water had broken on its own (before the pain meds were administered, my dr talked about breaking the water but we decided to wait but administer a few pain meds). And then the contractions/pain really really started - it was the most intense pain I have ever felt in my entire life. There was a point where I felt I was not going to make it though --- this lasted for about an hour before the anesthesiologist arrived for my epidural. There were two of us laboring at the same time and thankfully I was the first one on the list to get the epidural. And I must say the epidural was the best decision I have ever made -- it was the blessing I needed to continue. And the anesthesiologist was fabulous. He walked me through every step and it did not really hurt at all. The meds kicked in very quickly and I was feeling much better. (My poor DH almost passed out during the epidural process, not from seeing it but they used this spray for some reason and the fumes made him sick to his stomach. I guess he turned white as a ghost but I never knew until afterwards.)

I think it was around midnight on the 19th where I fully dilated. However, I did not feel the urge to push so they let me rest for a little bit and I started to push around 1:30am. I can not even describe very well the 2 hours that I pushed except for intense. I remember being frustrated at the nurse as she was not helping much --- she was trying to do too much with helping me, writing things down etc. When my OB arrived, she was the best cheerleader in the world. She got my spirits back up and running as I was exhausted. I think had the OB not come when she did, I would have been pushing for longer. My little guy arrived at 3:37am on October 19th after almost 32 hours. I ended up having 2nd & 3rd degree tears internally so it took an hour for my OB to repair them - thankfully I was able to hold my little guy during the time. I have lots of stitches and this has been part of the challenges of the past four days that I will write about in a separate post.

Our little guy is everything we dreamed of and much, much MORE!!! Although I will never ever forget the world of IF, having my little guy ... there are no words to describe it. I wish that IF could be wiped from our world and that no one else would have to experience it. My thoughts are with those still experiencing IF and my hopes are that you will have your dreams come true as well. I will be cheering you on!!!

Thank you to everyone for your amazing support.

My little guy was diagnosed with Jaundice

I have been MIA as the first few days home have been challenging for all of us. We had our first pediatrician appt today and my little guy was diagnosed with hyperbillirubin levels and we are back in the hospital = (. He will be put under the lights and it is going to be a tough night emotionally watching him go through this. I am going through a lot of guilty feelings as I feel like I caused this as breastfeeding has not gone very well. The pediatrician tried to assures this was not my fault but I still can not help but feel that way. I am glad we caught it today and hope&pray everything will be ok. They are running bloodwork as I type and hopefully he will be under the lights soon. Thank you to everyone for your earlier posts regarding aaron's arrival. They mean a lot to us. I will also post his birth story and a couple of pictures soon.

Our little guy is here!!!!

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes. Aaron arrived at 3:37am this morning. He is beautiful and amazing. We are in love. He was 7 pounds 4 oz and 19.5 inches. I will write more later and post pictures later as we are still tired from 32 hours of labor..... Hope everyone is well.

In the hospital....

Last night, started having contractions 5 to 10 minutes apart for 2 hours and our little guy was being very quiet so we decided to come to the hospital. They admitted us, monitored me and baby dude and did a cervical check. My cervix is very far back but they think I am about 2-3 cm dilated, which is a bit of progress over the last week. My cervix is 70-80% effaced. Theyvhace decided to keep us overnight. After monitoring, we have been walking the halls and they just gave me an ambien to try to help me get some rest. My dh is running home to check on our dog and get a wedge pillow I forgot. Hardest part right now is that I am hungry and can not eat. Hopefully the 18th will be baby dude's birthday. I will post updates as I can. I am going to try to get some rest...

Updated. It is almost 5am and I was able to rest well with the ambien. I feel a little groggy at the moment. Still contracting but not sure if any progress has been made. Dr should hopefully be in soon after they get back results from more bloodwork. We should know more then about next steps. And my lovely dh is snoring away...lol!!

Updated: no progress overnight = ( starting the process to ripen my cervix before bringing in pitocin. I can already feel the impact....

Updated: started pitocin about 1pm.....this is going to hurt.....trying to tell myself millions of women give birth.....I can do this.

39w4d...Still Pregnant!

My little guy is still content hanging out in my belly = 3 days until my EDD. I have had some pretty strong Braxton hicks the past couple of days but other than that, no labor signs. I have been hoping that the BH will turn into real contractions but no luck. I am still begging and pleading with my little guy, but seems like he may be stubborn like both my DH and I can be.

My DH ran to Costco for us today and I so much wanted to go as I love Costco but decided two hours in the car was not a good idea. I tried to do a little too much cleaning this morning and did not feel that great for much of the day. I was lazy and watched re-runs of Sex in the City for most of the afternoon.

We shall see what tomorrow brings - maybe my little guy?!?! If not, I think a trip to Walmart is in my future tomorrow as we desperately need a new bed for my dog. Unfortunately, Walmart is all we have here in my town. I wish Target was a little closer but it is 1/2 hour one way and cars are not really my friend these days in terms of comfort. Nothing really is = (

I am so looking forward to my drs appt on Monday afternoon. Continuing to pray for progress and if there is none, scheduling an u/s and NST for monitoring. My parents are coming to visit next Saturday for a week so I hope, hope, hope our little guy will be here before then. I will update again after my appt on Monday!!!

39w1d - Come on Little One!!

I saw the ticker this morning and it shows 6 days to go! I am sitting here in amazement that I have reached the 39w1d mark! I think because I believed I was one who would go early, I never imagined myself still here. I started getting some stronger contractions for a while yesterday but then they fizzled when I laid down to watch a movie last night. I started feeling crampy overnight and still do, but there have not been any more contractions. Maybe, just maybe today???? I guess I can only take one day at a time and hope that each day will be THE day. On the agenda today while I wait: taking my dog to daycare (we are now taking him every other day so he still is getting activity as I can not walk him), grocery shopping, continuing to organize my files, possibly meeting my DH for lunch and venturing to my office to drop off my laptop while I am on leave. And maybe if I am up for it, cleaning the bathrooms. Exciting day! LOL!! I would much rather be enjoying my maternity leave with my little guy in my arms!! Come on, little guy, come out and meet us, PLEASE!!!!!! Yes, sadly enough, I have resorted to begging = )

38w5d and No progress = (

Well, I had a drs appt today at 38w5d and cervix is still only a fingertip dilated. UGH! I was hoping for some progress over the weekend. Baby sounds good on the monitor and I am measuring small to average like I have been the past few weeks. The dr said after 39 weeks, I can electively be induced but with a cervix that is only a fingertip dilated, it is not a good idea as the risk for c-section goes up to 50%. They prefer to let nature take its course and she said I can go safely up to 42 weeks. I can not imagine another 3 weeks as I am soooooo uncomfortable right now, and the fact that I have already started my maternity leave. I can not find a comfy spot to lay down, sit down or stand so I have to rotate between the three often. Maybe, just maybe by getting the cervix checked, that will prompt some progress. Wishful thinking probably.

Next drs appt is on Monday the 18th. I pray that I deliver before then but if not, at least there is some progress so maybe induction will not be so risky. I so much want to meet my little man!!

Tomorrow - My Last Day of Work for 2010!!!

I am so excited - tomorrow is my last day of work for 2010!! WOO HOO!! My leave was approved through 1/2/2011. It is hard to believe my leave is here!! Two of my co-workers are taking me out to lunch and Stupid Manager is taking a vacation day so it will be a GREAT last day!! If I only knew how much time I had before my little guy arrives!!! My next drs appointment is on Monday and they will do another cervical check to see if any progress has been made this week. I hope & pray some progress has been made. Thinking lots of progress vibes!!! Although I know even if there is progress, that does not mean delivery is right around the corner. I would love for my little guy to arrive this coming week so I will only have used up less than one week of my leave without him here!! Hopefully I can keep myself busy to minimize the anxiety of the unknown!!

An update from my last post - my dr confirmed that I did not have any clots in my lungs, thankfully = ) Unfortunately, I still have to take the blood thinners but will not be on them as long as originally thought! It looks like Three total months instead of six but my dr was calling the maternal fetal medicine specialist to confirm. Maybe I will get lucky and it will be less than 3 months!

T minus a little over 12 days until my due date (since it is almost midnight -- hehe!!)!!

Belly & Additional Nursery Pictures

I took the plunge and had a few belly pictures taken by my DH this past weekend in the nursery which is 99% complete. I am not sure why they come out so small here! I am normally very camera shy but I thought a few pictures would be good to have for when I eventually am able to put together our little guy's baby book. And I was a little hesitant to show my face here as I try to keep this fairly anonymous but I thought why not this time! I must say I love my glider - although right now once I sit in it, I can not get up without help! But I think I am going to live in this chair very soon!! It is so comfy!!!

Today was a difficult day -- I ended up deciding to get a CT Scan to check my lungs for blood clots. I talked to my dr yesterday and she highly recommended I get this done and said it was minimal risk to the baby, that the benefits of knowing far outweight the risks. She said it would help with decision making on future dosages of blood thinner, delivery plans and treatment if we decide/are able to have future children. She said it is not the same as if I had had one done two weeks when I was in the ER (as I could have had one then that resolved itself) but that it would still help. It was a very tough decision for me but I had a few people confirm that it was minimal risk to our little guy and also highlight that if I had a blood clot in my lung, it would be very serious and something could happen during delivery. So I decided to go for it and it was not a fun experience. I felt very enclosed and the shield they had over most of my stomach to protect the baby was very heavy and uncomfortable. Thankfully it did not last more than 15 minutes or I think I would have gone crazy. They did not go over the results with me today (I have a follow up appt tomorrow) but I am guessing if I did have a clot in my lung, that they would not hAve let me go home and they did. So the good news is that I am thinking I am blood clot free in my lungs! Unfortunately, I still do not know why I often feel like I can not get enough air. My uterus must just be pushing on my lungs even though our little guy is VERY VERY low! I feel guilty for putting my little guy through any extra stress but think that I made the right decision.

You know I have gotten way to much blood work this preganancy when the lab lady recognizes me, knows my name and even comments that it looks like I have dropped quite a bit in the last 1 1/2 weeks since my last blood work was completed. I must say I am lucky they are so nice in the lab and make it very easy to get blood work done!

I will be 38 weeks tomorrow!!! I just can not believe it! I am surprised that our little guy is still in my tummy as I guessed he would be here by now with all the early contractions I was having. However, they have mostly stopped and I am still only a fingertip dilated as of yesterday. My dr also confirmed that our little guy is definitely head down (and I can FEEL THIS!!) It is just wait & see now!! Come on little one, I am so ready for you to join us!! I am so excited and can not wait!!

Only three days of work left!!! WOO HOO! 12 weeks without stupid manager! I must admit I am very nervous the person they brought in to replace me will not do a very good job. I have tried to train him to the best of my abilities but I am not sure he gets it - and of course stupid manager will blame me for any failures. But, hopefully in a few days, that will be the last thing I am thinking about!!

I am not sure what I will do with my time next week if I still have not delivered but it will be nice to be able to relax & organize. I hope to get my hair cut, meet up with my DH for lunch and do a little last minute shopping.

Well, time for me to eat dinner!!

Thank you/Update

Thank you everyone so much for helping to calm my fears. I appreciate it very much. I did finally get a call from my drs office and I do not need to see a specialist or go to a different hospital for delivery. I hope to find out Monday if I will be induced early as they have mentioned this twice.... So at least I am not in full limbo anymore = )

Today was a rotten work day as Stupid Manager strikes again. I have been working as much as I can and he accused me today of not doing my job and not doing as much as my peers. I always try to meet deadlines and there is this internal project I have not been able to because of a customer project taking up all my time as well as training my replacement while I am on leave. I have tried to be upfront with stupid manager about being behind and today he just laid into me about not having it done. And of course he never once offered to help. I do not know what more I can be doing. I am going to have to work all weekend to try to make up some time and even before he accused me of not doing my job, I had planned on working this weekend. I hate being so stressed as it is not good for my little guy.

One more week to get through. I was going to be nice and attend a big meeting the following monday on the 11th if I have not delivered yet. Now, there is no way I am being nice. They can do it without me but you know if there are questions stupid manager will blame me... He is such a jerk and I hate that I let him make me feel like crap....

Hopefully tomorrow is a better day....

Thank you again to everyone for your help and words of wisdom.

I can't sleep...

...Besides being uncomfortable, too many thoughts rolling around in my head.

** I still do not know where I am going to deliver and although I am trying my best not to stress and worry, it is hard when you are a planner not to feel stressed and in limbo. I have an appt on Monday so I just hope that they finally have a plan for me. I am discouraged by the fact that I still have not heard anything. It has been 1 1/2 weeks in limbo!

** I am SO EXCITED and can not wait to meet my little guy, but I am starting to get nervous about the actual labor/delivery process. whether it be induction or c-section. It is just the fear of the unknown. I know my DH will be there to support me all the way but I hope that I do not panic.

** I am nervous about breastfeeding. I know it is something I want to do but what if it does not work? More fear of the unknown. I was worried that there was going to be no place at work when I go back to pump, but I talked with our office manager yesterday and she is going to set up a place for me in our computer room. It is a room that no one can go into with getting a key from her and it can be locked! I felt much better after talking to her. I was glad I did not have to go talk to HR or my boss about this!

** I am so nervous I am going to fail at being a good mom. What if I do not know what to do when he is here? I am sure I will be asking a lot of BTDT questions.

** Am I missing something that we need for when he arrives? I keep going through my lists and we will probably go on one more shopping trip this weekend.

** Can I finish everything at work that I need to finish before my last day on the 8th? Things have been so crazy busy right now, I feel so behind and although I have no loyalty to my manager because he is such a jerk, it is my personality to want to get everything done! And I have tried so hard to train the person taking over my work but I just do not think he is getting it all. And it is making me nervous that all I have worked hard to put into place is going to fall apart. I am trying not to worry but it is hard!

I am going to try to fall back asleep .... 19 days until my due date!! Hopefully I will know Monday whether I will be induced early at 39 weeks and then it would only be 12 days!!