...Besides being uncomfortable, too many thoughts rolling around in my head.
** I still do not know where I am going to deliver and although I am trying my best not to stress and worry, it is hard when you are a planner not to feel stressed and in limbo. I have an appt on Monday so I just hope that they finally have a plan for me. I am discouraged by the fact that I still have not heard anything. It has been 1 1/2 weeks in limbo!
** I am SO EXCITED and can not wait to meet my little guy, but I am starting to get nervous about the actual labor/delivery process. whether it be induction or c-section. It is just the fear of the unknown. I know my DH will be there to support me all the way but I hope that I do not panic.
** I am nervous about breastfeeding. I know it is something I want to do but what if it does not work? More fear of the unknown. I was worried that there was going to be no place at work when I go back to pump, but I talked with our office manager yesterday and she is going to set up a place for me in our computer room. It is a room that no one can go into with getting a key from her and it can be locked! I felt much better after talking to her. I was glad I did not have to go talk to HR or my boss about this!
** I am so nervous I am going to fail at being a good mom. What if I do not know what to do when he is here? I am sure I will be asking a lot of BTDT questions.
** Am I missing something that we need for when he arrives? I keep going through my lists and we will probably go on one more shopping trip this weekend.
** Can I finish everything at work that I need to finish before my last day on the 8th? Things have been so crazy busy right now, I feel so behind and although I have no loyalty to my manager because he is such a jerk, it is my personality to want to get everything done! And I have tried so hard to train the person taking over my work but I just do not think he is getting it all. And it is making me nervous that all I have worked hard to put into place is going to fall apart. I am trying not to worry but it is hard!
I am going to try to fall back asleep .... 19 days until my due date!! Hopefully I will know Monday whether I will be induced early at 39 weeks and then it would only be 12 days!!
Aww... big hugs! I remember having almost all of those fears!! You'll be an amazing mommy, simply because you already love that little guy so much. =) I had NO infant experience what so ever and was paranoid that I'd have no clue what to do but when he was born it just felt so normal and natural and even my friend commented to me that I was acting like a pro after just a few days. =)
ReplyDeleteAs for breastfeeding, my BEST advice is to get help early and keep getting help until you find what works for you. GOod luck!! =)
Aw, Leslie, like Emma said, I think we've all had these fears!
ReplyDeleteTo address all of them:
- not knowing where you deliver totally stinks, but honestly? Once you get there, you won't know the difference. In my experience, the L&D nurses are awesome everywhere and they'll take great care of you. I'm a planner too, so it would drives me nuts also not to know, but I'm sure it'll all work out.
- labor and delivery were kind of crazy but also very exciting. I won't lie, the contractions were not the most fun thing in the world, but if you're open to requesting help (i.e. an epidural) if you need it, you'll be fine. And always, always it's in your head that you'll be meeting your baby at the end. Though I had my own labor drama, never did it seem bad enough that I lost sight of what I'd be getting at the end.
- breastfeeding is really, really hard. I think you've read my blog, so you know I had issues. I had a hard time emotionally with it (alot of it was hormonal) but things have played out in the way that works for my family (50% pumping, 50% formula). Just make sure to ask for help if you need it and remember, the baby won't starve, you can always supplement until you both get the hang of it, if that's what you want to do.
- you will be a GREAT mom. It's so obvious through these years of knowing you that you are a sweetheart, kind-hearted and thoughtful. Who wouldn't want a mom like that? ;) All the specifics like giving baths and learning your babies cries can be learned as you both get to know each other.
- Oh boy, we realized after Finn was here that we were missing alot! But when you bring him home, all he needs is love and food. Everything else can be picked up with frantic trips to Babies R Us in the following days - I think it's a rite of passage for new parents! And btw, the hospital will give you ALOT when you leave, like formula samples (if needed), blankets, hats, a bulb syringe, etc etc.
- I worried about work too. I wanted to leave it perfect. And then I went into labor 2.5 weeks early, with a whole bunch of stuff only halfway done. And you know what? I never gave it another thought. People will figure it out while you're gone and even if they're a little annoyed at first, if things aren't perfect, they'll forget about it way before you return from maternity leave ;).
- I hope you were able to fall back asleep!
:) {{{HUGS}}}
You are going to be a WONDERFUL mom, Leslie. Think of what you went through to get to this point - you fought like hell to get here. You are going to make mistakes and there will be rough days, but you will get through it. You are one of the sweetest, most caring people I've had the pleasure of "meeting" through blogging. When you channel that love and care into motherhood, your little boy is going to do just fine. :)
ReplyDeleteOh sweetie, I'm sorry the anxious end of pregnancy has arrived. Everything you mentioned worrying about I can totally relate to. Hopefully they can give you a plan on Monday and that will help. I know it's much easier said than done but what the last 4 months have taught this type A gal is that if you take everything one step at a time and do your best it will be good enough. You have prepared for this and you are ready =) Hope you got some sleep...
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be an AMAZING mother!! (in fact, you already are!!)
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone about getting help w/ BF-ing early - and keep bugging them if it's not working!! We ended up staying in the hospital an extra day just to see the lactation consultant one more time - and it was her idea of pumping, bottle feeding, then nursing that got us through those first weeks!!
And of course - when you have time with your sleepy guy - blog about it because we all are here waiting to help if we can!!
:)
I'm already thinking about everything you listed (except the delivery location limbo) and I still have 16 weeks left.... The one thing I can tell you is that there is no doubt in my mind that you'll be an absolutely amazing mom!!
ReplyDelete((hugs)) I hope it all works out easier than you're fearing! :)
ReplyDelete