Very Nervous!

I am wondering if the Ovidrel trigger shot worked?!? I took it on Monday night and am not feeling anything like sore bbs or anything from it (and I have in the past.) My acupuncturist also told me my pulse was slow (and it should be faster if I were pg) -- which got me to thinking that it should be faster if the trigger was still in my system. I also just took a pg test for the fun of it expecting to see 2 lines and there was only one. It was an internet cheapie but I would think I should still see two lines at 3dpt. Is it possible for the trigger not to work or are internet cheapies just not sensitive enough even at 3dpt? I was feeling good yesterday after my IUI and now I am feeling all nervous. I guess there is nothing I can do about it now but wait & see! Ugh! When will this rollercoaster end?!?!? I want off this ride and on the BFP train soooooooooooooooooooo much!

Thank you for letting me vent! I wanted to say also that I enjoyed the ICLW week and it was so great to learn more about everyone! I appreciate all the support very, very much!!! I look forward to learning more about everyone and following your journeys!

Time to Wait! IUI Complete!

IUI went well this morning! DH was able to come with me and keep me company, which was a big relief and helped me to worry less! Yeah for less worry!! My RE said DH had an "excellent" specimen. I did not ask for details though. I find knowing more details makes me worry even more than I already do! With lots of follies to choose from, I can only *hope* that one sperm will catch one eggie to bring me a strong BFP in 2 weeks. I know only time will tell. I know I have to be patient! Unfortunately, patience has never been a great quality of mine.

On a non TTC note, I hate driving in the snow! I was doing great tonight on my way home from picking up my dog and all of the sudden a car in front of me slows WAY down and puts his flashers on for an unknown reason to me! I panicked and hit the brakes (which I know is wrong) but swerved into the other lane (2 lanes on each side). Thankfully I got control of the car but my poor dog was thrown around a bit. Luckily no other cars were around or it could have been a lot worse. My legs are still shaking a bit from it. So much for my dream of no snow after our big storm a couple of weeks ago!

Holy Follies!! IUI on Wednesday!!

My follie check went well this morning. I have 5-6 follies ready to go with many small ones. I trigger tonight with my IUI on Wednesday morning = ). My dr admitted that with most of his patients the # of follies I have would scare him and he would cancel. However, knowing my history, he thinks we should move forward! I was very relieved not to be cancelled but at the same time definitely needed to remind myself about the potential risks. Knowing my history though, we are OK with moving forward! This is the best response we have had so I am excited but afraid to get too excited at the same time. I am hoping & praying that everything will be timed just right! Please, oh, please let this be our cycle!!

There is one potential kink though. My DH has a very important work meeting on Wednesday AM so we need to figure out what to do. I am thinking he will need to do his part at home at 7am and I will need to rush it up there to get there around 8am. This will be my first time traveling with his contribution. I am just not sure the proper way to handle. Any advice so that I do not cause any problems?

Thank you for your help!

I am a lucky person!!

I thought it was such a good idea to write about how lucky of a person I am despite all the trials & tribulations with TTC, IF & my career this past year -- to help me snap out of this blah feeling I have been having this weekend! I am lucky for many reasons!

1. My wonderful, super DH - he is so kind, so caring, and takes such good care of me! He cooks for me, does laundry, hugs me when I am feeling blue and sends me flowers when I am not expecting them (and I love flowers!!). He hardly ever complains about anything. He starts my car every morning so it is warm when I get into it. He drives me to work when it is snowing & I am afraid to drive. He does so many little things that just make me feel special. (Yes, we do have our occassional spats but most of the time, they are about silly things and we get over them quickly!)

2. My super spoiled chocolate lab!! He makes us laugh, he makes us feel loved and he is such a great dog!! He is spoiled though as he gets to go to daycare every day! I drive 20 miles extra each morning and my DH 40 miles every night to drop him off/pick him up. The day care owners meet me half way in the morning to help with the commutes! Yes, we are crazy but we have never felt it was fair for our dog to be home 12 hours a day by himself.

3. My parents. I wish I lived closer to my parents! Although they drive me a little crazy at times, I had a very nice childhood and their support the last year with all the treatments & my career setbacks, has been more than I could have ever imagined! And the fact that they will be celebrating their 50th anniversary next year is amazing and very inspirational. I know they have had tough times but they have gotten through them.

4. Having a job. Although it is completely boring and I had a huge set back last year with my job being eliminated and being "demoted" so to speak - I am lucky that I was not one of the many who were laid off. They wanted me to be there and I am lucky that they found another job for me that still pays well & allows us to continue the fertilty treatments.

5. Having a very comfortable life, a home I love, food, water etc. I hear stories of what is happening in Haiti and am that much for thankful for all that I do have. The news is filled with so many people going through hardships that it reminds me to put things into perspective even when I am having a bad day from all the ups & downs of the IF rollercoaster!

6. For my friends IRL & online. I unfortunately do not have very many friends where I live as I did not make time to meet people when I moved out here 4 years ago as I consumed myself with work. But I am thankful for my friends from where I used to live, college & grad school. I am ever so thankful for the support online through IV and the blogging community. The support is wonderful and helps me every day!

I have a very good life. I do hope I will be successful very soon in my journey to become a mother, which will make my life even more special than it is today!

Thank you for letting me share!

Pictures to Share

Hello! Here are a couple pictures of my doggie and a couple of the pier where I live that my DH took. Of course I am biased, but I think he is pretty talented for someone who does not take pictures that often and has not had any training. When he was unemployed for a few months last year, I actually thought if it took him a long time to find a job, it would be interesting for him to get some professional training and become a photographer. He luckily did find a great job within a couple of months though -- one that keeps him quite busy so he does not have much time to take pictures. Maybe when we retire in the very far away future.

On a TTC note, I am feeling pretty blah today. We were walking around a store this afternoon and as we walked past all the baby stuff, I just felt a moment of how much more of this can I go through? Will it ever work? What if it does not ever work? It was like a mini moment of panic - although it did not last that long and we moved on with shopping, it was not a good feeling to have. I am probably feeling this way because of all the hormones in me with being on Day 9 of stims. Part of me is afraid that my Monday follie check will be too late and my IUI will be cancelled again. Part of me is afraid already that even if it is not cancelled, it will not work. I had so much hope & excitement when I started this cycle. Where did it go? I really hope that Mondays appt will bring the hope & excitement back - and that it will have good results to help me believe that this IUI can work. This journey is so frustrating! I am so glad that I found blogging to help me get my feelings out!

Follie Check #2

Hello everyone! Thank you for your very kind comments!! And thank you for asking to see pictures of my dog!! I will definitely post soon!! The pictures are on our other computer so I will post tonight or this weekend!

Just got back from follie check #2 and it was OK. By lowering the follistim dosage for the last 3 days, I now have 4-5 follies instead of the 8-9 he said I had on Tuesday, which makes my dr a lot more comfortable (and me too!). He has increased the dosage back up to 150IU so that I hopefully do not lose more follies that decide to stop growing. I pray I that the 4-5 continue to grow steadily! Another stinky part is that I have to go back again for follie check #3 on Monday. It is tough having the drive be so far! My RE anticipates I will trigger on Monday with IUI on Wednesday. IUIs are such a balancing act. Hopefully my manager will not freak-out about having 2 more appts next week. Not much I can do so I pray I can keep the worrisome thoughts out of my brain this weekend! And my DH has important meetings on Tuesday / Wednesday so I pray that we can work through everything so that there are no issues there as well!! I keep telling myself to remain sane!! LOL!

Thankfully I am working from home today = ) Happy Friday = )

First ICLW Post

Hello! This is my first time participating in ICLW week. I am very excited to be a part of this and learn more about everyone. My history is in my blog but I thought I would add that I have been married to my wonderful DH for a little over 7 years We have a very spoiled chocolate lab, Elliss, who is 8 years old. He was named after a Lions football player (Luther Elliss) who my DH told me just actually just declared bankruptcy! Our first chocolate lab was named Luther but he passed away at only 1 1/2 years old due to a condition like lupus in humans = ( Elliss is our baby (or puppy as we refer to him most of the time.) We have been TTC #1 for almost three years now -- hopefully this IUI will work and I will not reach the actual three year mark in February! Tomorrow is follie check #2 and I am praying that everything still looks good!!

I am thankful for all the wonderful women I have met since joining the blog world recently. I look forward to chatting with you more this week and meeting other new women as well!

Follie Check #1

I had a positive first follie check yesterday = ) . I have several follies measuring 7-9mm in size so my dr actually decreased my follistim dosages. My RE was definitely doing a lot of clicking & measuring during my appt but I tend not to ask details so there is less to stress about. I started on the same dose last time and am responding faster this time for some reason. I wonder how this happens --- not that I am complaining by any means. It is odd to me how cycles can be different. I go back on Friday morning for follie check #2. I just hope that I am not at risk of being cancelled. I was on the upper limit last time with 6 follies. Since it did not work, hopefully my RE will not cancel even if I have more than 6 this time. If all goes well, I am thinking my IUI will be Monday or Tuesday = ) I pray all goes well!

And it was funny - the nurse who took my b/w was new at the clinic. She kept telling me over and over what good veins I have! I know I am lucky to have good veins. I just thought it was funny how she could not stop saying it.

Do you ever feel really tired while on injectables? I have not noticed this before but for some reason I feel really tired this cycle. I am not sure if has anything to do with the meds though. It could be that work has been really busy lately.

I am so looking forward to acupuncture tomorrow. I can not wait to have the hour of pure relaxation!

Starting Stims Tonight = )

I went for my baseline this morning and it was pretty uneventful. My ovaries looked nice & calm. And I can start the Follistim tonight! YEAH! I am a little nervous at the same time though as it has been a couple of months since my last injection. I am sure it will be just fine once I get throught his first one tonight.

It always seem odd to me that I am excited to inject myself! I think it is because it brings with it hope for success in the end. I really want this cycle to work - I am afraid to get my hopes up too much with the possibility of being crushed though. I guess I just have to be realistic that my chances are 10-15% at most and there is a high liklihood that we will be going back to IVF. But, I must remember to keep in the moment and in the current cycle or I will drive myself crazy!

I go back for follie check #1 on Tuesday = )

TWO DAYS UNTIL 24! WOO HOO!!

Something Different?

Thank you everyone for your kind comments! I called my RE today. They still want me to come in on Friday which will be CD5. Like a stupid person, I said "OK!" After I got off the phone, I realized I should have asked - is that starting too late? I thought usually CD2 or 3 was when one was supposed to start. Part of me wants to question it and part of me just wants to go with the flow & consider it something different from the past few cycles that have not worked. Something different could be good! I am not sure if I should worry or not. Maybe because I do not ovulate on my own, it is no biggie! I could call tomorrow but I can not go in on Wednesday so even if I could get in on Thursday, that would only be one day earlier. I am trying to talk myself out of worrying. I love that I can do that while writing = )

Happy Monday!!

AF is Here!! = )

Ms. Spot surprised me last night = ) I was thinking in my head yesterday that I would be so happy if AF came earlier than expected so I could get started before Friday and yeah, my body actually listened to me for once! AF is still light today but I imagine as usual, it will come in full over night tonight. And if that happens, I will count tomorrow as CD1 since my dr always counts full flow as CD1. Hopefully I can get in for my baseline on Tuesday as I have a meeting at work on Wednesday morning that I should not miss.

I hope & pray that there are no issues with my baseline. And I hope & pray that IUI #4 is the magical one so I do not have to think about moving to IVF again. If it is not one worry, unfortunately it is another! Only if the worrying could stop but I do not think it ever will. At least for the moment, I can be happy that AF is pretty much here and things are moving along = )

Winter Wonderland in Michigan Part 3

LOL! I am going a little crazy with the pictures. I just thought I would share a few more that I have taken today! One is near the coffee shop where I pick my DH & my doggie up on the weekends after their walks. And two others are of my dog on our deck while my DH is shoveling all the snow (I have to apologize to my DH that I cut his head out of the picture). Although my dog LOVES the snow, you would never know by his sad puppy face (he is not really a puppy as he is 8 years old but we still call him a puppy.) Thank you for letting me share!!

Winter Wonderland in Michigan Part 2

Here is another picture out our front door - I thought this was OK to post because you can not see my neighbors full house! I took another one out our back door but it has anothers neighbors full house in it so I was not sure if I should post! My crazy DH and my crazy dog went for their weekend Saturday walk this morning so I will try to snap a few more when I go to pick them up. It is our Saturday/Sunday ritual -- they go for walks in almost any weather (it is about 1 1/2 hour walk) and I sleep in & pick them up at our local coffee shop. DH gets a mocha & cinnamon roll (and I try to have willpower and not have anything because I did not exercise). In the summer, it is nice as they have a farm market there too. In the winter, they have an outdoor ice skating rink where the farm market is.... in a small town way, it is really nice! I do miss the things about being near a city though.

Winter Wonderland in Michigan

I tried to take a few pictures at work today from my phone. Unfortunately they are not the greatest quality. It is dark at home right now so maybe I will take a few more this weekend at our house. It is crazy! It will not stop! My dog is the happiest camper! At least one of us is.

Will the snow EVER stop?!?!

It is only January 7th and I am so tired of the snow already! We have gotten over 2 feet of snow in the past week and I just wish it would go away already. I keep meaning to take a picture but have not yet. I need to as I have not seen this much snow in a long long long time! Thankfully, I have been riding to work with my DH as he will drive in any weather condition. This has helped reduce my stress levels greatly as I dislike driving in the snow. I am one of those individuals that most people hate getting behind because I drive at a turtle's speed. I just pray for NO SNOW for my upcoming baseline u/s as my RE is over an hour away. I guess AF has to show first before I start worrying about the weather for my appts. I can not wait for AF to get here so I can get started.... Today is day 7 of provera so hopefully AF will be here by this time next week. Hoping & Praying! I did order my meds yesterday to be delivered early next week = )

Have I already told you I am excited to get started?!? = )