Feeling Blue.....

I can not help but feel blue these days! I should be happy as it is Christmas time and despite the way the year went, I do have a lot to be thankful for. However, I keep thinking about how much 2009 was for the most part a stinky year! I feel terrible for dwelling on the negative when I except for dealing with IF have a very fortunate life (even though I hate my job). In summary - 1 failed IVF, 2 chem pg (FET & 1st IUI) and 2 BFN IUI cycles and my job was eliminated. I still have a job and am thankful for the income but the job change pushed my career back many, many years! WHY DID I WORK SO HARD FOR 8 FRIGGEN YEARS? It makes me so mad to think about all the time I had put in and how much I had given up over the years! The only positive besides my husband finding a great job is that with still having a job I can afford IF treatments. I guess I should realize during this forced break what it would be like if I was not able to afford IF treatments. It would be very difficult. I am begging for the next few weeks to go by FAST!!! I want to feel hopeful again. I truly hope 2010 will be a better, happier year!!