ICLW - Welcome (A little early)

I will not be able to post tomorrow (although I will still try to read & comment if I can) so I thought I would write a ICLW - Welcome post a tad bit early.

It has been a long time since I have participated in ICLW.  Welcome! I really appreciate your visit and look forward to the opportunity to meet new friends in the bloggy world!  The bloggy community is a wonderful place and is full of so much friendship/support.  I think it is incredible and I know that the support has been so helpful to me throughout the my years of infertility and most recently, the loss of our son, Ethan at 18w.

Ethan's Story & my TTC history are listed as separate tabs on my blog.  Our loss has been the hardest thing I have had to endure in my life.  We were so excited to be pregnant and so excited to have our boys be two years apart, only to learn about a week after we found out from our amnio that he was perfect that he had passed away from a cord accident.  I am so thankful for the time that I was able to spend pregnant with him and the time I was able to spend with him after delivery.  I know that he is watching over us.  I miss him so much!

My oldest son will be two in 29 days!  It is so hard to believe.  He is such an amazing little boy.  I am so lucky to be his mommy.  He is so smart & talks all.the.time at home -- he is pretty quiet around others though.  He is very active & keeps me on my toes.  He likes cars, trains and his stuff animals!!  I can not wait to give him his train table for his birthday!  It came in the mail the other day.  He is a very picky eater so eating is our biggest challenge.  He eats a lot but what he likes is so limited.  I am trying to introduce a new food each week even if he does not eat -- just so he is seeing new foods.  He does eat a little better at daycare - probably because he sees the other kids eating.  He loves going to the park or beach after work every day - we try to go for at least a 1/2 hour after I pick him up from daycare.  He is so fun & makes me laugh. I will admit that the tantrums are increasing in frequency and I am not looking forward to the terrible two's.  Although someone today told me that with her son, 3 is harder than 2.  

We just began our first Injectables / IUI cycle for TTC #3.  I am currently on CD7 with today being my 5th day of Follistim.  I go in for a monitoring u/s tomorrow.  Tomorrow will tell me if I may have to cancel our cycle or not.  I may have to go out of town next Wednesday & Thursday -- and if tomorrow shows that my IUI will be next Thursday, if I do go out of town, I will have to cancel.  I am hoping & praying that everything shows my IUI will be next Friday so that I will not have to cancel.   Fingers & toes crossed as I have been so ready, excited and terrified all at once to be starting this roller coaster again!

I am definitely terrified to be TTC again.  Terrified that we will never get to experience being pregnant again or terrified that if we do get pregnant again, that we will experience another loss.  However, we have decided that being pregnant and the possibility of having another child in our world is something we want more than anything so I am doing my best to overcome my fears & to be optimistic.  I have been pregnant 4 times from 12 treatments (5 Clomid Cycles, IVF, FET, 5 IUIs) over the last several years since 2008 -- two early losses (second beta did not go up), my first son and the loss of our dear Ethan!  I am hoping that despite being older, that my odds of getting pregnant again are good!  I know it is out of my control but I will hope & dream with all of my might!

This turned out to be longer than I expected, I am sorry!  Thank you for visiting my blog.  For those that are new, I look forward to getting to know you better = )  And for those that frequent my blog often, thank you so much for your friendship!! I can not say thank you in enough words!!!