I am having trouble going to sleep. I am stressed about my therapy appointment tomorrow. What is she going to ask? What am I going to say? Will I break down and be an emotional basket case? What if I hate it? What if I clam up and can not talk? So many things going through my head, I feel like my head is going to explode! And on top of it all, all I can think about is my alarm going off in less than 6 hours & how tired I am going to be. Ugh!
On top of that, I still have not spoken to my parents since their visit 5 weeks ago (I did talk to my dad briefly a couple of weeks ago to say thank you for pictures he sent to us) and my brother called me tonight. I missed his call and by the time I was done with getting everything done around the house, it was too late to call him back.
My brother just visited my parents this past weekend so he is either calling me for one of two reasons - both will cause me emotional stress. He is either calling to talk about what is going on with me & my parents (as I am sure my parents told them how horrible I was being to them) or he is calling me to tell me he & his wife are expecting again. I know they said they were not planning to have any more children after my niece was born last October, but my head is letting me think that another ooooops could definitely happen. (I will add that I love my niece - she is beautiful and loved by my SIL & Brother but still, why does everything come so easily to my brother and so hard for me.) I am thinking it is the first but I am so nervous it is the second. It would be so unfair and the second would actually be harder to work through emotionally than the first. I know in the end if they are pregnant again, that I will love him/her like I do my niece. But it would be hard to know that he/she was not planned -- when my DH & I have planned for a long time to add to our family and it has been a difficult road for us.
I need to try go to bed! I wish my head were not swirling with all of these thoughts. Thank you for letting me vent.
good luck with your appt! talk therapy has done wonders for me at my lowest points. hope it will do the same for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm up late working ugh!
Good luck with your appointment. Thinking if you!
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with your appointment, hopefully it will ease a lot of your stress!! Sending lots of hugs your way!
ReplyDeleteGood luck tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteIf you break down, that's ok. Bring tissues.
If you hate it, you never go back.
If you clam up, close your eyes and imagine you're writing on your blog.
See, I have all the answers, lol! :) Hope it goes well!
I hope your appointment goes well!!! Hopefully you'll be able to chat about all your swirling thoughts {{{HUGS}}}
ReplyDeleteI am hoping your therapist will be the right match and that she can give you quality support. Counseling was invaluable for me at the time. I you don't click with her the right way, move on and find the right one. Tissues are ok. Tears are all ok. Everything else will come naturally. Again, I hope she is the right one for you.
ReplyDeleteKUP about the appointment.
As for your brother's call, I understand it makes you nervous. However, I hope he 'gets' you and if his reason to call is anything to do with your parents' non-sense then I hope he is calling to ensure you about his support. (((HUGS)))
(((HUGS))) Take tissues. Good thick ones. You'll need them. Crying cleanses the soul. So I'm told... I've been thinking about you and keep you in my prayers. I do hope you get some great relief talking through your feelings with a professional. Your tree is beautiful in honor of Ethan! I just know he is a beautiful little boy bouncing around in Heaven exploring every single thing there is!
ReplyDeleteMaybe one day you'll feel up to getting together and I promise to cry with you as we talk life with all the joys and sadness it brings.