The therapist was VERY nice and compassionate. She has 20+ years as a L&D nurse & therapist so this made me feel good. When she started explaining to me her methodology of therapy in the beginning, I started crying. Luckily she had plenty of tissues as I had forgotten mine - I think I had tears in my eyes most of the appointment. She asked a lot of questions about my history, my pregnancy and how I have been the last 2 months since our loss. This took up most of the appointment and then she brought out her calendar to set up the next appointment. She was being so nice & offering me different options but none worked. I have very little support here right now as I have no family & very few friends in the area. The only way for me to go is when my inlaws visit. This is the only way that I was able to go this past Thursday -- my inlaws came a day early so I could go & they watched Aaron for me. I have a friend at work that I have recently asked to be an emergency contact in the event I need help with Aaron. However, she has never met Aaron so it is going to take some time before I could actually leave Aaron with her. I wish I could ask someone at daycare to watch him after hours as he is comfortable with his teachers but per the handbook, that is not possible. They could get fired and we could get kicked out of the daycare.
As a result, I feel lost. I do not know what to do. I can not go to the support groups in the area as they meet during the week later in the evenings. And I can not figure out how to make therapy work. I had the biggest headache coming out of the appointment, probably from all the tears & stress of realizing that this is probably not going to work out. I knew this going in that it was going to be difficult to figure out how to make this work but I guess I just denied it.
I am feeling quite lonely as well as I do not have very many IRL friends near where I live. Most of mine live in other states-- it is not easy to make friends where I live. I had started to make friends near where I used to work but with my current job, they are not in very close proximity anymore. It is a bummer as they both have children Aaron's age so it was fun meeting for lunch with & without the kids! We have tried to get together but it has not worked out well this summer. = ( One is a baby loss mommy as well as she lost her little girl at 20 weeks prior to having her little boy who is 2 weeks older than Aaron. It is too bad we do not live closer to one another = (
I am sorry that I am feeling sorry for myself. Still trying to figure out that "new" normal for myself. It is not easy but I know I will figure it out!
T minus 6 days and I start provera again! And ~ 3 weeks until hopefully our first baseline ultrasound! Starting to TTC will hopefully give me a new light on things as I will have that hopeful feeling as part of my life again! Hope has always helped me in the past so I am hoping it will help me here again.
I am sorry that I am feeling sorry for myself. Still trying to figure out that "new" normal for myself. It is not easy but I know I will figure it out!
T minus 6 days and I start provera again! And ~ 3 weeks until hopefully our first baseline ultrasound! Starting to TTC will hopefully give me a new light on things as I will have that hopeful feeling as part of my life again! Hope has always helped me in the past so I am hoping it will help me here again.
You have probably mentioned this in the past, but does your husband travel a ton for work? I assume that means he isn't available most week nights to help out? That is really hard.
ReplyDeleteObviously you don't want to stress out worse than before about something that is supposed to be relieving your stress! I hope you can figure something out :(
Big {{{HUGS}}} Might it be possible to take time off work to go to the therapist while Aaron is at daycare? Or for your in-laws to come watch Aaron while you go? With so little support close to you it would be worth taking the time off to deal with all these emotions, even if it's a whole afternoon once every couple weeks. Putting in that time now might head off a lot more serious issues in the future...just my $0.00002.
ReplyDeleteHugs! Just take one day at a time. I understand being overwhelmed and lonely. I've been there and sometimes feel like that like even today. I know I cannot relate to the loss you had but my suspected ectopic was pretty touch on me and I went to therapy for it also. It helped. Hang in there. Might you have a neighbor that could help you with Aaron? Or someone at church or do you have any babysitters? Just throwing out ideas. Hang in there! One day at a time is sometimes the easiest way to get through it.
ReplyDeleteKitty
I have been thinking of you. I know how each day it gets a little easier, but it's always still there. I, too am anxious to TTC again, but I have a while before I even get a period. It takes me forever.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can find a way to go back. It must make it even harder to know that this is something that might help but not be able to figure out how to do it. Sending much love your way.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear that you are going through a rough time.
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to find some way to work it out. It really sounds like you need the additional support that a therapist can provide.