I am struggling with what to do? I know that this is a personal decision that no one else can make for us but if you have any guidance or advice on questions to ask the dr or myself while deciding, I am open ears!!
We had our STBU appt on Monday. It went as I had expected with my RE recommending IVF - however, he did add on a surprise in that he thinks we should do PGD due to our ages and our history. He will not try to persuade us against another IUI/Injectable cycle as it has worked for us in the past - but he did remind me that the chances decrease with age and the low counts we have seen the last two cycles. He did say he thought we should only do one more. We briefly talked about embryo adoption but he did not think we should go there yet. I am not sure though that I made it clear that if we do ivf, it is our last chance. There will be no other chance unless we have frozen embies.
I just do not know what to do. Do we do another Iui & if it doesn't work, that will have been $ we could have used for ivf? Do we do ivf with my own eggs which is much more expensive than iui at a success rate of 20-25% for my age (versus I think less than 10% for an IUI)? Do we do PGD? Or do we look at embryo adoption, which is slightly less expensive than ivf with a slightly higher success rate? Donor eggs are pretty much out of the question as we can not afford it. We will be stretching ourselves with IVF if we do decide to go that route. And if we do IVF, I am leaning towards not doing PGD with the extra expense that would add. I need to read more on it though.
I have tried in my mind to start a pro's and con's list. Please let me know if you think I am missing anything as this is just the beginning of what is in my tired brain tonight.
IUI:
Pro: Less expensive.
Con: Less chance of success
IVF:
Pro: Higher success rate than IUI. Possible frozen embies to work with if this does not work (we had 2 last time.)
Con: Much more expensive so question here is the expense worth the slightly higher success rate?? Success rate at my age only 20-25%.
EA:
Pro: Higher success rate than IVF with own eggs.
Con: Expensive as well. These are embies that someone decided not to use. No genetic relationship, which I wonder if it worked if it would be a problem in the long run with a DS who is genetically related and a child who is not?
I think about this constantly throughout the day. But I guess that we should have my DH do the SA again and go from there. He probably will not be able to do until the end of the month, which seems like an eternity. Ugh!! I hope time goes by fast!! I am already going crazy on this break!
I know that our situations are similar and then somewhat different with the age factor. My doctor told us two months ago that we should go to CCRM and try ivf with pgd because of our recurrent miscarriages. I was devastated. We then got pregnant on a stupid femara cycle with TI. After failed ivfs and iui's. I know everyone is different and every situation is different. I just wanted to say don't give up hope, even when you doctors make you feel that you are fighting a somewhat losing battle.
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best on whatever decision you make.
I would think that if you went the EA route it wouldn't be much different than if you adopted another child. Growing up I had a classmate that had an older brother and sister that were his parents biological children but he was adopted. I'm sure it would all be fine and it would be like they were just siblings or maybe I'm just being to simple minded! :)
ReplyDeleteFor me, I would maybe try one more IUI with the protocol you want, but then decide if IVF or EA would be you next step. I think that if you didn't try one more IUI you would wonder what if. My RE let me choose my protocol for my successful cycle. I was happy she let me try it my way and we had our last chance cycle mapped out if that didn't work.
At the end of the day I had to be comfortable with our decisions and know we had exhausted what we were going to do so if it didn't work I could move on.
These are tough decisions - my husband and I get it big time. We were in you position (and same age) last March after my FET with our lone frozen embryo didn't work. We went with IVF for a variety of reasons but these are personal decisions. I am hoping that the right decision for you will become clear! I would recommend that if you decide on IVF, you take a bit of time beforehand to get your body ready (with supplements, etc.). I truly believe that this was key for me in both my IVF's. If you want a laundry list of what I took, I'd be happy to send it to you!
ReplyDeleteSorry ... when I said we went with IVF but these are personal decisions ... I meant that I could (and am happy to) run through why we came to the decision we did but it may not (or may?) help you as these decisions are unique to each couple facing them.
DeleteWholly verbal comment-eria! I think I'm done now :)
Lisa - I would love to hear a little more @ your decision making process. I know it is different for everyone but understanding & learning more will only help! Do you have an email address? Mine is lrm1102 at gmail dot com.
DeleteThese questions that there aren't any "right" answers for just suck. If I was in your place I would probably do IVF with my own eggs (no PGD) or with donated embryos. Depends on how my DH and I felt about donated embryos. I can see how prior success with IUI would make you want to do that but in my books it's a numbers game and IVF just has a better chance. Good luck hon!
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog recently looking for some answers of my own. I was looking into IVF for my husband and myself and I came across some organizations in Utah that provide financial assistance, kinda like scholarships. They also provide refunds for specific parts of IVF if (worst case scenario) the IVF cycle doesn't end up working. I am not sure where you are from, but if you look you may be able to find some similar centers or foundations willing to help in your area!
ReplyDeleteAll that being said, you may choose to go another direction. I wish you and your family the best of luck as you make this decision!
I have a friend who did donor eggs last year and now has twins. She loves her babies as much as she does her son from her own eggs. Not quite donor embies, but the twins are not genetically hers. You'd never know with how she loves them. I have another friend who has just been selected by a couple to adopt there embryos. She's thrilled. I think the genetic relationship isn't as big a factor when the the kids are finally there - if that's the route you choose to take.
ReplyDeleteThank you to everyone for your thoughts and advice!! I appreciate it very much!! Each one has given me more to think about which is very helpful!!
ReplyDeleteNo good advice or answers, just wishing you peace as you reach your decision.
ReplyDelete