I am so disappointed with my mom. I should know her better but for some reason, I hold out hope that one day she will actually want to be a grandmother in actions, rather than words. So I have been debating about visiting my DH with my little guy one of the last two weekends in June. And then I found out that my parents want to visit my DH the last weekend in June so I suggested visiting the same weekend. Can you believe that my mom was more concerned that she had invited another couple along with them than seeing their grandson? Ummmm??? You get to see your grandson maybe 3 or 4 times a year at most. I would have thought you would have said we see our other couple friend ALL the time as they live in the same community, that it would be more important to see my daughter and our grandson. But no! She acted all like well, we can cancel if you want to - passive aggressive crap in my opinion. Initially, I thought well, maybe to avoid my mom & her obnoxiousness, I would go the other weekend but them my inlaws offered to come the other weekend to help me out (what a nice change from my parents) so I decided to screw my mom & still go down the weekend she was looking to visit. So I told her tonight that I was looking to go down that weekend and will probably be making an OB appointment or two to meet some new drs before we move. You know what she said --- well, we can not change our dinner plans to eat out with you and Aaron as we normally eat pretty late. HOLY MOLY - are you kidding me? That is the most important thing on her mind. Not, well - if you need help with watching Aaron during your appointments, we would be happy to help or not, well we can change our plans with our friends. NOTHING like that! What is wrong with my mom? I really wonder what my dad thinks. I think he tends to go along with whatever my mom wants to make her happy as if she is not happy, she is a b****. I have not asked my mom for one bit of help in the time since my little guy was born. Am I asking for too much? My DH tells me that I just need to tell her what I need and how I feel but I am afraid she will get so defensive about what a great grandmother she is and that it will get me all stressed, that it is not worth it. I was going to ask her for help but when she made the comment about dinner, I just forget it! I am never going to get what I need/hope for.
Can you tell I am absolutely PO'd? My mom wanted to be a grandmother for SOOOOO long. I think she likes the title and wants to say she is a grandmother but is not willing to really be one. I feel really bad for Aaron and baby #2 as they will truly never get to know her. But, in the end, I do not agree with much that she does so maybe I do not want my children to get to know her that well. That is probably really mean of me to say but I really do not know how to feel right now?
Can you also believe - she visited my brother & his wife and my niece this past weekend, and she complained about not doing much? My niece is only 7 months old. Why do you always have to have something to do - why can you not enjoy the company and seeing your grand-daughter? When she does come visit us, she spends more time reading her Kindle than she does with my little guy? She thinks a 1/2 hour with him in plenty of quality time.
Please oh please do not let me become like my mom when I am older!
(Ps. I do love my mom. She was not the best mom growing up but I had a very good, comfortable childhood. I did not miss out on much & had a lot of opportunities. My mom shows her love by buying things for others so I had a lot of nice things. I do see today why I am the way I am in certain ways (lack of self esteem, quiet etc.) but I still grew up well.)
Thank you for letting me vent! I really needed to get this out! Today was a bad day at work too so I am a big stressball. I think I will go use the doppler in a moment = ) I need to put a smile on my face. Poor baby #2 today with all the stress.
** Think happy thoughts ***
Whew! Glad you got to let it all out! I can totally see how frustrating that would be - vent all you want!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I completely understand what you are saying. My mom has never made it to the level you describe with your own, but I have had these own thoughts and feelings so many times. Sometimes, I'm sad that I don't have the family that I wanted to have for my children.
ReplyDeleteBut we do have the friends that we make and who will always support us :)
lots of love!
Nikki
Ugh! I'm so sorry your mom is so not helpful! My In laws are very hands off and it used to make me sad that the wouldn't really get to know our kids I realized that it would be them that would suffer in the long run when our kids treated them like strangers.
ReplyDeleteSadly, you can't change her. You just have to give your boys loads of love and they will be just fine!
Seriously, that sounds brutal! Very self-involved. I would be really pissed off, too. And I would probably end up saying something.
ReplyDeleteWow Leslie, that's really tough to deal with. I'd agree with your DH and say let her know how you feel but from the sound of it she would just make you feel guilty. Some people are master manipulators like that.... So sorry you have to deal with this but I'd say there's pretty much zero chance you'll become your mom!!
ReplyDeleteThat really sucks! Her behavior is not right! I am sorry you have to go through that! Do your kids have a good relationship with your husband's parents?
ReplyDeleteSo frustrating! Your mom sounds very self-centered. It's too bad that she won't have the relationship with your children that you'd like. I do know, though, that we all have our issues with our mothers, whether they were "good" mothers or not (and nobody is a good mother all the time). My mom is not nearly as bad as you describe, but like yours, she shows her love by buying gifts. What's frustrating to me is that she does *not* show love by spending time with me. Several times she's bought me nice things and dropped them off when she knew I wasn't home, which just makes me feel rejected. I try to remember that she doesn't mean to be hurtful, and she is trying to show her love in her own way.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry hon {{{HUGS}}} We all have mom issues. You really have to decide which way you want to go, in my book there are two options. One, tell her how you feel in a direct but thoughtful way. This means keeping your emotions in check and sticking to your most important points. Two, keep it bottled up. To me open and honest communication is the only way to go. Even if she doesn't change you have communicated your feelings and can wash your hands of it. This is from a girl who simply can't keep things bottled up...it eats me alive. Good luck...and we're here anytime you need to vent!!!
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