Sunday, March 4, 2012

I could not sleep AGAIN!

Once again, I found myself unable to sleep so I tested.  And the line is still very light and may even be lighter than yesterday = ( Unfortunately, all the memories of this happening before are coming back to me.  I truly know there isnt anything I can do to control what is going to happen here.  Except I keep thinking, well did I hold my little guy too much? did I not do something right?  In the end, I know it is most likely not something that I have done.

I apologize for being a negative nelly here when I should be happy and positive.  I have always been a half empty kind of girl and I was hoping to see a darker line again. I am a worrier and it is definitely a fault of mine.

I am going to keeping praying that my little bean is a fighter like my little guy was.  Stick little bean, Stick!! I am going to try to keep busy today so I do not drive myself insane.

Thank you for listening to me ramble and be my normal negative nelly self!! I do keep reminding myself that whatever happens, I am a very lucky girl!! I have a wonderful life, a job (not one I like, but I have a job), a great husband, a wonderful little boy and our crazy dog!!  And we are all healthy!!  I often feel selfish asking for more!

I am going to go try to get a little more sleep.
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17 comments:

  1. KellyMarch 4, 2012 at 7:59 AM

    Holding out hope for you...

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    1. LeslieMarch 4, 2012 at 8:55 PM

      Thank you, Kelly! I appreciate it very much. All the hope helps me very much!!

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  2. LaurenMarch 4, 2012 at 8:31 AM

    I totally understand the need to keep testing and testing to make sure lines are getting darker. I certainly did that. I know it's hard, but try not to compare the lines too much. A lot of things can affect the darkness of the lines, and they are just two tests, one day apart. If your number was low to begin with (FRER are REALLY sensitive!) then it could still be rising but it's just not rising but that MUCH because it was low to start. Say it was 15 on 11DPIUI, then on 13DPIUI it would only need to be 30, and that's still not going to get you a very dark line on the test.

    I understand your concern, but not all is lost! Wait for your betas!:)

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    1. LeslieMarch 4, 2012 at 8:58 PM

      Thank you, Lauren! I feel silly for worrying as much as I do. I think I drive my husband crazy - LOL! I am going to do my best to stay sane between now & my beta on Tuesday. Although I know that will not end the worrying but at least I will know more about where things stand.

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  3. AnonymousMarch 4, 2012 at 10:26 AM

    Sorry you're going through this roller coaster again. Try to stay busy while you wait for your beta.

    It's totally not selfish to want another baby.

    Keep the faith and I'll say prayers for another fighter baby in there.

    Donae

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    1. LeslieMarch 4, 2012 at 8:59 PM

      Thank you Donae!! I was able to stay busy today so that was good!! Thank you for your prayers!!

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  4. KMarch 4, 2012 at 12:03 PM

    Uggh, nothing is more tormenting than analyzing and re-analyzing. Hoping you can remain calm until a beta and that everything works out.

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    1. LeslieMarch 4, 2012 at 9:02 PM

      Thank you! I am queen of over-analyzing. LOL!! I am an analyst for work so I guess it is my nature. I am trying to stay calm (probably not doing the best job but at least I am trying..hehe!)

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  5. MonaMarch 4, 2012 at 12:54 PM

    I urge you to not over analyze although having been there I know how hard that is. I hope you can wait until your beta and not POAS anymore. I honestly don't feel that is a reason for so much worry. I line is a line is a line. Besides, I feel they are getting darker. Please take it easy and enjoy the moment because you are pregnant!

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    1. LeslieMarch 4, 2012 at 9:04 PM

      Thank you! I wish I could more easily enjoy things without thinking about the past. I know the past does not mean things will be the same this time around. I think it is a way to protect myself if this does not stick. I am thinking lots of sticky thoughts though. At night, I have begged the little bean to stick! = ) Thank you so much for your support. (I am going to do my best to not POAS tomorrow and wait for my beta on Tuesday.)

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  6. TeeJayMarch 5, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    My phone would not let me comment over the weekend at all...ugh! Anyway, I'm crossing everything for you right now. Don't give up hope....a light line is still a line. We are all pulling for you! Stick, little one, stick!!!

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  7. LeslieGailMarch 5, 2012 at 6:12 PM

    I am hoping for awesome beta results. HPTs can be finicky. I have sworn I will never buy another one, but let's see how well I hold to that in a couple of weeks. Ha! I am wishing you peace while you wait to find out and for time to pass by super fast!

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  8. KittyMarch 5, 2012 at 10:37 PM

    Oh wow...I hope it keeps darkening!!! :) I really hope this turns to great news! Stay +!!! I'm excited for you!

    As far as the manners, we just say stuff like "how do we ask nicely?" "what do we say when you need to interrupt mommy when she's talking?" Stuff like that and it's worked. We get so many compliments on her politeness and I love it! :) It also brings me down a notch when I'm frustrated and she says "excuse me mommy!" :)

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  9. TeeJayMarch 6, 2012 at 9:32 AM

    Thinking of you and hoping for great results!!

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  10. LisaMarch 6, 2012 at 9:39 AM

    Oh man, i'm just catching up ... this is so awesome Leslie!!! I'm rooting for you!!

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  11. Mel.March 6, 2012 at 12:07 PM

    I haven't checked my blogs in ages (bad friend...) but I'm so thrilled for you! I've got everything crossed for you too!! I know just how worried you are but I'll be positive for you. :)

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  12. Sally's_BlogMarch 7, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    Wow congrats Leslie! So exciting:-) I took so many pregnancy tests too and had to keep looking at them to believe it for some time. Wishing you a happy and healthy nine months!!!

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